My Blogger Girls

I'm sitting here on a rainy supposedly supposed to be snowy saturday morning
after eating eggs benedict cooked by my sister
harangued by parents about SAT II, reading more current events
and reading friend's blogs.

And as I'm reading, I notice a common theme.

Everyone is analyzing themselves.

And this gets me to thinking, I don't think that i've ever analyzed myself on my blog before.
Or maybe I have and I just haven't noticed it.
LIke I see Penn saying:

I can't empathize because I'm so stubborn and set in my ways. It's not that I think that everybody should be like me, but I hardly see anything from anybody else's point of view. Not because I don't want to, because I just can't. Call me traditional or old-fashioned, but that's how it is, how I am.
I'm incredibly selfish, and it really amazes me how you are so selfless. I want to tell you so much - but there's just too much stuff that doesn't let me. I'm too protective of you, I'm too scared, I'm too proud. See? It's all selfishness.


Christina

I don’t know if it’s that I just haven’t been listening or if it’s that I just haven’t been trying hard enough. But for a long while now I’ve been holding up this “guard” and nothing has been able to break it down.


Jessie:
The problem with me is that I try to too often to assimilate.


Jaime:

I'm extremely selfish beyond repair. I am giving and helpful, but very very selfish at the same time. Selfish on most things, giving in others. A lot more selfish than my giving though.


Bria:

I sort of feel like I'm lost in my own little world. That I put up this barrier, this disguise, so that people won't see how I'm truly feeling. And other times, I feel like I'm just a middleman. Someone who has friends and people to talk with, but doesn't really have a place. Like a wanderer without a home.


And don't get me wrong...ive felt every single one of these things before in my life
some more strongly,
some a prickling in the back of my subconscious, having not emerged yet
Maybe it's all being part of a teenage girl?
hormones? lol
And maybe letting all of this self-evaluation and criticalness is a form of finding an outlet
maybe hoping in that through writing,
you can cut out a window of your heart
so that those curious enough can look in and see the complexity inside.

Because, you know?
we all put up that barrier
and what we crave the most is for someone to break that barrier down, embrace you and say,
"dont worry..im never going to let you go."
We want for those people to be the first person you want to talk to after you go through trauma, joy, or just cuz.
For someone to accept us regardless of any mistakes we have

THAT is why we write on blogs spilling out gut feelings
because we want someone to relate and understand
why else do we get so excited when someone comments on a post?


but you know what?
despite the fact that we are all continually searching for that earthly being to be our soulmate friend.
we also continually forget to look heavenward

and see the friend who takes us as we are.



soo my girlies....
i think that for the rest of our lives we will have friends...good ones great ones
but they will come, go, or stay
and those who stay aren't always the friendship ideal that we crave for always
because there WILL be times when our own tempting selfishness overcomes the needs of our friends....

but because we are bonded through Christ, who sees me as i am, HE can fill the void that we sometimes forget to fill in our friends' hearts. And because of that...be JOYFUL...dont look down on yourself..because we know that one day we WILL be perfect through Him.