Sunflowers

yes ...
Yes....
YES.....
YESSS!!!!!!!!

FINALLY!! I will see my best friend.

Faith MacDonald

man..i'm beyond excited..its not even a describable feeling
So much so that I know I won't feel the effects until I see her in the flesh.
or patrick. or jeremy.

I've heard that Jeremy MacDonald, the younger brother, who is about two grades younger than Wendy is....taller than me
a fact I shall not acknowledge until there is actual physical comparison

why am I even rambling on about height?

I WILL GET TO SEE FAITH!!
all those years spent riding bikes, climbing trees, eating ice cream & dumplings
singing songs, having fights, collecting pokemon

we are complete opposites who are a perfect match

thanks faith..for being the roots and seed of the flower of a person i am now..and most importantly..for giving me God♥
thanks christina...for coaxing that seed out of its shell
thanks bria...for giving that flower water and kept it from wilting
thanks jessie...for being the sunlight to this flower, dont know what id do without you
thanks audry...for giving this flower a cast so it could heal its broken stem
thanks jaime...for making this flower remember God
thanks christine...for taking this flower under your wing and protecting it
thanks victoria...for watering this flower with your love and friendship
thanks monique...for keeping away those weeds and making the pathway straight
thanks penn...for talking to the flower and giving it oxygen♥
thanks sandra...for being that constant source of comfort- fertilizer :]

thanks jesse...for making me respect you
thanks geoffrey...for your refreshing playfulness
thanks patrick...for fighting with me all the time..i love it
thanks alex...for being yourself, i wouldn't have you any other way
thanks alex...for wishing with me on a star that is burned into my memory forever
thanks jun....for neverfailingly making me happy to see you each time we meet
thanks ivan...for always making me smile
thanks ben....for being my big bro
thanks daniel...for caring
thanks hudson....for stealing my stuff, but always giving it back
thanks darren...for always im'ing me first and so much more that im not gonna list it :]

so yes..this post is dedicated to Faith MacDonald truly
because all those people i gave thanks to...
are really giving thanks to the person Faith has made me
and i'll never forget that....

Sun is Shining

okay..enough sad posts
because i really do feel happy
and im actually happy that ive been feeling sad,
because i'm proving to myself that i'm actually human!!!

There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I dont want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...

what the heck....LOLOLOLOLOL
WENDY & MY DAD JUST BROKE THE STAIR BANISTER

and the sun is shining
i actually have time to think
i can go to the park

life is beautiful in the ways that you never fully expect it to be

FAIL dun dun dun

man..i know that i keep saying that God is calling me to Costa Rica, not to GHP
but please spare me these few minutes of hurt

i'm so happy for all my ghp folks
honestly and truly
that's one of the reasons why my own failure hasn't hit me as hard as it can

i'm just sad that I fail
the two things i wanted out of this year: all-state and GHP
the two things that I said last year that i would work my butt off to achieve
all...gone

no more chances

it actually does hurt some...idunno why, but then who ever knows?
disappointment? too much fried stuff?
the knowledge that all you're going to get are sympathetic stares, "oh its okay, you'll get something else" and
"hey, i'm sorry"

i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me....ever

i only want to be able to feel sorry for myself and then move on from it

Dear John

Done with Dear John
completely heartbreaking
not in the happy way
i sometimes wonder if i'll end up that way

Reading Rainbow

So..as of the moment
I am reading two books

Gone with the Wind
and
Dear John

the latter which i literally got today in second period and am already through more than half of it
its so beautiful
the girls of Nicholas Sparks always makes you want to be that person, to better yourself, to possess an inherent demeanor that they have
a perfect mix of understanding, unique, happy, playful, and sincerity
Ever since I was little, I feel that every girl character I read about becomes a part of me
that I should care about what they care about
that I want to be as carefree and special to someone
this has happened with Heidi, Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), Sara Crewe (A Little Princess), Jo March (Little Women), Cimorene (Enchanted Forest Chronicles), Betty (Archie..hehe), Elizabeth AND Jessica Wakefield(Sweet Valley High)

I feel Scarlett O'Hara's frankness, pride, vanity, and her meanness spread through me...
and i've definitely got more, "you're getting meaner"
I feel Savannah's gentle appreciation of simplicity, her naivety, and determination to work for greater good permeate through my veins, my childhood veins.
and I feel that I am both girls

is that even possible?

I love how much I can be influenced by what I read, that's one of the reasons I love finding a Bible passage that just speaks to me..
But at the same time it's a little scary
What if I read something bad for me?
how will that affect my character?
Or maybe at the moment, i'm just feeling the reader side of rebecca press more strongly

i can never tell exactly what parts of me are most dominant

I'm not going to stop reading--NO WAY JOSE
I'm that harry potter nerd who read each book in the series like twenty times

maybe just learning what's important in each girl's life has helped me be the girl I am today
and hopefully that girl will grow

Rubik's cube

What comes with a Rubik's cube?

.....wow....was NOT expecting that :]

No Use

No Use...

Fulton County Board of Education has decided to cut all elementary band and orchestra programs..

Into the Mic

Into the Mic



Oh my goodness
I can't believe we actually spoke at a Fulton County Board of Education Meeting
Binita was phenomenol-- standing ovation
I had to cut out thirty seconds of my two minute speech, but thats okay
most importantly
I hope that it reached the hearts of the board members and any music teachers there

Vote comes tonight..i can and can't wait

I was so scared throughout this week you know?
It was like, for the first time in my life
(i know reallyyy dramatic, but its true)
i figured out that you can't always just say
"leave it up to the grownups"
because its such a cliche but COMPLETELY true saying----anyone can make a difference.

Pray & Cross your fingers please!!!

3.14159.....

I took a quiz and my geeky quote of the day is---

Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.

I'm a Fishy ^3^

I'm a Fishy ^3^

Seriously...
i'm so confused
I love Georgia with all my heart
I would love to go to college here
I want to live here when I grow up and have all my elementary school friends around me...be able to say to my kids

"Look! I went to school there! and look! my fifth grade teacher is still carrying that same old purse!"

to have that same excitement when more than two flurries of snow comes down
all these pine trees- poignant and fresh
summer warmth that envelops the body like a blanket
blue skies, the whole alpharetta bit



On the other hand..
I don't want to be in a bubble
a goldfish in a bowl
like that chinese proverb goes
"jin di zhi wa"-- (frog in a well)
hehe about one of the only things i remember from my nine years in chinese school x]

but I want to know if there is more
and be able to reach to more people
leave these incessant arms of security for once

because with this music program craziness coming up
for the first time in my life
i can't just "leave it up to the grownups"
and that scares me..
i need to be able to grow independently and stand on my own

no problem right?
just go and see the world then come home for Georgia

see...its not so simple
Everyplace you live..like with boyfriends
you give a little part of your heart to it
and since i've lived in Georgia my whole life
all of my heart is given to it
anyone who knows me knows that I take pride in being from the south
its without a doubt "home"

But if I go somewhere out of state for college...and maybe to live or work in the future
won't that then become my "new home"
won't that mean that my heart will be split into two pieces and buried in two separate locations?

I feel that if this happens, then I won't ever be completely satisfied in one place
Part of me will always be longing for that other "home"

soo...dilemma, inner conflict, whatever you want to call it

Be a fishy or be a nomad

I know that I have to stop being a fishy
and it will be impossible from becoming a nomad in this process

but i'm just going to wait it out
(man..i'm already waiting out so many other things-----)
and we shall see DUNDUNDUN.....

Floundering...

Why am I so dumb?

Only I would proceed to answer twenty-five questions that I have no clue about
only to find out that instead of taking of .25 for each wrong one like they normally do
the test does (# correct - # wrong).
yay...negative scores

Only I would proceed to make a rose for someone cuz they lost their previous one
only for them to give it away to someone else literally the next second

Only I would dream of having those skinny model legs
only to go and eat one hundred pounds of homemade food (mostly veggies though x])

Only I would get an 800 on my PSAT math
only to completely fail my school and be the disgrace of the chattahoochee math team

Only I would study like a maniac get 90% of my SAT vocab right the first time
only to have to study even harder the second time to show "progression"

Only I would be complaining on a blog
unlike a real person who would actually be conversing with someone else and not mouthing words to themselves in front of the computer

what can I say?

I'm just uniquely dumb~

For You (Version Two)

it doesn't matter
whether who's prettier, nicer, better, more talented, can draw better, can do a handstand
who can get the prom date, or ANY date
who's ranking is better, more likely to get into all-state GHP college and all that junk

actually...it does
the world sees it that way
you never see the computer nerd on TeenVogue
and no one cares if you made semi-finals..only if you actually went all the way
and if you're the girl next door
of course your best friend will be the one to get the guy
that's how it works in the world

And I know we care about it
all those little details that ABSOLUTELY matter
because we wouldn't be US without it
...
and it kills us

this evergoing comparison
never ceasing
constantly teasing
and pulling at heartstrings
that twang that all too familiar tune
"why aren't I, ME, good enough?
was I that easy to forget?"

and even though they smile graciously and cutely
springing out an "of course not"
you always know its true

but thats the thing about the world
thats how it thinks
but no..WE can think about more
because the nerdy girl will get the prom date
ask anyone who's seen the you belong to me music video

and so what if she can do it better?
there are so many other things that you soar high in

and i think you are gorgeous
i always have
since i've first seen you
more than anyone in that room or at your table

because we dont care about what the world thinks remember?
and its hard to follow, but we have to hold true to that
and to live with that constant assessment and judging
its so hard
i know
it makes you this cheerful shell
empty except for those same twanging heartstrings

but we're here for each other
through thick and thin
and do you know what the great thing is?
we both know that we are uniquely amazing

F is not for Friends

today..i got sleep
for the first time in a REALLY reeaallly long time
and it felt good.

to be able to sleep during the day is such a luxury.

to be able to talk with my family around the table instead of the tv is a blessing

to be able to bake, inhaling those blissful aromas is heaven..lol..

i can't believe that we fell into the same rut that so many families fall into,
grabbing a bowl and plopping oneself in front of the computer or tv
family means so much more than that

"OWWW!" wendy is sitting there grinning wickedly
with that culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)
(three minutes later)

"OWWWWWW!!!" rebecca is standing there grinning wickedly
with that same culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)

difference?
the second time occurs six feet away from where the cantaloupe bowl is

wendy snatches up toothpick
rebecca runs and cowers in laundry room

(exit scene)

that is what family is supposed to be like
not poking one another with toothpicks of course x]
but being a unit of love
singular and integrated
meshing together to form this one gooey batch of debates, teasing, and hugs
iced off with unconditional love

if my dad is standing in my doorway and looking at me with a stern austere face
i know that it's not because i did something wrong
its not because i got an F
its not because my room is messy (actually..nvm this reason is quite possible)
its because i forgot to give him a kiss when he came home

to sit on my parents' laps, to give them bear hugs and kisses
to waltz with my mom in the kitchen
its so natural
because that's how family is to me

so this is just a post for them
because before i had friends
before i started edging out of the nest
they were always there

i love my family♥

Lift Me Up

Isn't it interesting? When we try to please the world, we're put down and start feeling negative emotions. But when we try to please the Lord, even when it seems like it's only making things worse, in the long run, it lifts us up.

By Edward Sun

I was reading Ed's blog and.....when i came across this little phrase right here
i couldn't help but think
1) that is so true
2) i ALWAYS try to please the world
3) have i always tried to please the world before pleasing god first?
4) i want that feeling of contentment that feeling of being "lifted up in God"

Isn't it ironic that we say we do not want to please the world
using that all too familiar statement of "do not conform but be transformed"
and yet..grades, facebook, college prep: the norm of teenager society
have become the norm of our own lives
is that not pleasing the world?

I want to try something
when i pray..i always so Lord, God, Lord and the pattern continues on
but more than anything God is a father
loving til the end...sometimes i forget that
not that he loves me, but that he is my father
that the way i feel towards my own father should be only a slight inkling of my love for God
and right now..that's not how it is

I may love my father more than my Father at this moment
and that's not how it's supposed to be at all..though there should be love for both

but yeah..
our Father in heaven hallowed be your name.
Let me remember that.