whew..it's been a long while
stress of college apps as all we seniors know ;]
it's this overlying burden that hangs there in the stillness, even when there is no rush. You just know its there, weighing thick and heavy.
But on a lighter note, life is good as always.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Want To Know The Meaning of Life?
umm actually---the meaning of life is God...end of story.
without God there is no meaning or no life.
That's something that i need to remember every single second I live.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Bloom For Me
All girls love flowers...end of story
No matter how old you are, or how quiet or how social, or how disdainful, or how allergic...
flowers will always beat that teddy bear or box of candy, because they're something that was given not from a factory but from the toil of the earth.
Primrose = i can't live without you
A Hairy Day
Im standing in the line waiting for a bathroom stall to open up in the next forty seconds before the minute bell rings.
I'm harried and stressed. College app demons are popping into my head randomly and I can't stop it. and on top of that. I have to go...
so--its not a bad school day. It's not an amazing one.
"You have pretty hair"
That comment shocked me out of my dazed skin. Never in my life had I been told that my hair was pretty. Friends do not count. This was simply a genuine comment from a complete stranger. And how many people can say that they've been complimented while standing in line to go pee?
I'll admit it. I do not believe that I have pretty hair. It is dry and thin, the extreme opposite of the perfect pantene hair that is thick, full, and shiny beyond belief.
When it's wet, there is not even a complete fistful to hold on to.
It's amazing how much one comment can make you smile to yourself.
Today, I was thinking to myself. Self. Oh stink. self. that's what we learned about this sunday. and we actually learned not to do it for the self. self-ish. self absorbed. I want to be able to praise God without self gratification. I'm scared that when I do praise Him that I am always self-gratifying myself in some way. Please..let me learn
I'm harried and stressed. College app demons are popping into my head randomly and I can't stop it. and on top of that. I have to go...
so--its not a bad school day. It's not an amazing one.
"You have pretty hair"
That comment shocked me out of my dazed skin. Never in my life had I been told that my hair was pretty. Friends do not count. This was simply a genuine comment from a complete stranger. And how many people can say that they've been complimented while standing in line to go pee?
I'll admit it. I do not believe that I have pretty hair. It is dry and thin, the extreme opposite of the perfect pantene hair that is thick, full, and shiny beyond belief.
When it's wet, there is not even a complete fistful to hold on to.
It's amazing how much one comment can make you smile to yourself.
Today, I was thinking to myself. Self. Oh stink. self. that's what we learned about this sunday. and we actually learned not to do it for the self. self-ish. self absorbed. I want to be able to praise God without self gratification. I'm scared that when I do praise Him that I am always self-gratifying myself in some way. Please..let me learn
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I just realized...I have only five more days to sing the song
"I am 16 going on 17" and have it actually apply to me
I've waited for this year my whole singing in the car life
ever since I've watched Sound of Music
and I wasted an entire year not being able to sing it.
and now I only have five more days :[
(Rolf)
You wait little girl
On an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life little girl
is an empty page
that men will want to write on
(Leisl)
To write on
(Rolf)
You are 16 going on 17
Baby its time to think
Better beware
Be canny and careful
Baby you're on the brink
You are 16 going on 17
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads
And grueways and cads
Will offer you fruit and wine
Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken
You need someone
Older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am 17 going on 18
I'll take care of you
(Leisl)
I am 16 going on 17
I know that i'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe
I am 16 going on 17 innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies
Drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those
Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken
I need someone
Older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18
I'll depend on you
mm now all I'm missing is my own Rolf ;D
haha jks
but really--growing up is just something that I'm scared that I'm not ready to do yet.
its inevitable but i want to cling on to these last precious moments of innocence and childhood.
I'm not saying I want to be gullible or naive, not knowing what's occurring in the world.
But I want to be able to grasp and hold that slipping faith and first trust in everyone without worrying if they will mug me, judge me, trick me, or hurt me.
I am 16 going on 17
and I'm a little girl on an empty stage
waiting for fate to turn my light on.
My New Muse
from this:
To That:
This girl is unbelievable
I open up to yahoo! news and it's not her face that I see first.
It's the words:
the next words I read were:
HOLA AMIGA PERFECTA
her blog is called new dress a day where she creates a new fashion piece every single day for 365 days for $1 a day.
so thats 365 dresses. 365 days. $365.
forget the movie 27 dresses--this is tons better
not only is she doing what I had spent four long years dreaming of doing (fashion designing)
but she was doing it cheaply appealing greatly to my frugal sense AND she was doing it while recycling!
how great is that?
fashion design, cheap, and recycling all wrapped up into one great package.
I think I'm in heaven..no joke, this blog she does is so..me, or at least the one that I'd dream I'd be when I was in middle school.
This inspires me to draw so badly..take out my old sketchpads and create..
thats whats great about art: you can take something that no one wants and make it beautiful
chet it out (heh..borrowing tinny's phrase x])
http://newdressaday.wordpress.com/
To That:
This girl is unbelievable
I open up to yahoo! news and it's not her face that I see first.
It's the words:
old dresses made new
the next words I read were:
for $1
HOLA AMIGA PERFECTA
her blog is called new dress a day where she creates a new fashion piece every single day for 365 days for $1 a day.
so thats 365 dresses. 365 days. $365.
forget the movie 27 dresses--this is tons better
not only is she doing what I had spent four long years dreaming of doing (fashion designing)
but she was doing it cheaply appealing greatly to my frugal sense AND she was doing it while recycling!
how great is that?
fashion design, cheap, and recycling all wrapped up into one great package.
I think I'm in heaven..no joke, this blog she does is so..me, or at least the one that I'd dream I'd be when I was in middle school.
This inspires me to draw so badly..take out my old sketchpads and create..
thats whats great about art: you can take something that no one wants and make it beautiful
chet it out (heh..borrowing tinny's phrase x])
http://newdressaday.wordpress.com/
Friday, August 13, 2010
Where Do I Go From Here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfTieVPjN7E
The earth is cold, the fields are bare
The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere
The birds move on so they survive
When snow's so deep the bears all sleep to keep themselves alive
They do what they must for now and trust in their plan
If I trust in mine, somehow I might find who I am
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know where do I go from here?
My world has changed, and so have I
I've learned to choose and even learned to say good-bye
The path ahead, so hard to see
It winds and bends, but where it ends depends on only me
In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known
Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear
Which is the voice I was meant to hear?
How will I know, where do I go from here?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Pure Joy
Thank you Lord
Thank you thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU
thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
God, you lift my burdens always
you ease my heart
I've prayed for pure unadulterated joy in you Lord
I haven't had that burning joy in life for such a long time Lord
and when I realized it..we prayed for it in devo group
Today I was feeling so tired after playing
I've been sad over certain things for quite a while and they've really just been bearing on my heart and I haven't been able to be truly fully 100% joyful in praising God for a while.
But all of sudden today,
I found myself prancing around the room, being a ballerina, a hiphopper, a korean girl pop musician, a swing dancer, a gymnast who was doing somersaults onto her bed like a little kid.
interpretive dance, michael jackson moves..hugging and kissing my teddy bear randomly and making him my partner.
I didn't care what neighbors saw me through the open windows. I probably looked like a psycho but it didn't matter in the least tiny bit, because I was flying in my own mind.
I dont know what came over me
All I could feel was this burning joy, like flash fire. and then before I knew it I was praising God, praying with a whole heart, loving this joy He had bestowed upon me.
It's so amazing that I can't even describe it.
All I knew was that after my little dancing episode--i just had to record it down and just exult the Lord for his glory.
so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD LORD FATHER KING..
THANK YOU.
my heart feels so free right now, and this feeling is freedom itself. Freedom from worry and pain that I've been feeling for so long. You've granted me this joy so I can praise you freely Lord
THANK YOU
Saturday, August 7, 2010
There's a reason why my blog is called...aqua.
There's a reason why my blog is called
aqua. jambalaya. summer. me♥
Aqua, turquoise, mint, it doesn't matter. The perfect combination of white, blue, and green can sometimes simply take my breath away.
The sound of aqua just reminds you of the Gulf coast. No, none of those salty brown waterside beaches along the Atlantic Ocean, but the clear blue waters of the Gulf side.
aquamarine. mermaids. A world of sea blue that is salty and sweet all at the same time.
Can you not feel it?
But beneath the surface, aqua is so much deeper than that. It's playful on the top but dark and brooding below the waves. You never know what you're going to find.
If anything, when I'm feeling too much of any other color, I can come back to this one and feel at home, like I don't have to change myself in order to fit with the assumptions behind other colors.
With pink, I feel giddy, but one has to eventually get serious.
With red, I feel bold and daring, yet you have no idea how much of a chicken I am.
With white, I feel pure, and yet that's a lie because I'm the worst sinner..I'm dirty.
With Yellow, I feel the Georgia blaze across my face but winter always quells the sun.
With Orange...let's face it..no one feels anything with the color orange.
With Green..I'm at the peak of my environmentalism, never wasting anything,then there's reality
With Blue...straight up blue that is--its the night, not black..and the night swallows you up then spits you back out just in time to wake up from the dream.
With purple...I feel on top of the world, arrogant...and then I am humbled.
With Brown....I am stagnant, lazy, a potato colored rebecca..yet I have to move to live right?
With Black...I think of eyes..is that weird? My eyes are not brown, they are black and they are the windows to myself..but does anyone really know his or her self? If not, then why don't we all just stare wide eyed into our mirrors? It's too puzzling to be comfortable.
With aqua--I imagine heaven too to be that color. A heavenly northern lights of varying shades of aqua rippling as the angels sing.
sky and ocean. the first two things of God's creation---all cradled within this one seemingly simple and ordinary color. Remember it well.
A-Q-U-A
aqua. jambalaya. summer. me♥
Aqua, turquoise, mint, it doesn't matter. The perfect combination of white, blue, and green can sometimes simply take my breath away.
The sound of aqua just reminds you of the Gulf coast. No, none of those salty brown waterside beaches along the Atlantic Ocean, but the clear blue waters of the Gulf side.
That my friends, is aqua.
aquamarine. mermaids. A world of sea blue that is salty and sweet all at the same time.
Can you not feel it?
But beneath the surface, aqua is so much deeper than that. It's playful on the top but dark and brooding below the waves. You never know what you're going to find.
If anything, when I'm feeling too much of any other color, I can come back to this one and feel at home, like I don't have to change myself in order to fit with the assumptions behind other colors.
With pink, I feel giddy, but one has to eventually get serious.
With red, I feel bold and daring, yet you have no idea how much of a chicken I am.
With white, I feel pure, and yet that's a lie because I'm the worst sinner..I'm dirty.
With Yellow, I feel the Georgia blaze across my face but winter always quells the sun.
With Orange...let's face it..no one feels anything with the color orange.
With Green..I'm at the peak of my environmentalism, never wasting anything,then there's reality
With Blue...straight up blue that is--its the night, not black..and the night swallows you up then spits you back out just in time to wake up from the dream.
With purple...I feel on top of the world, arrogant...and then I am humbled.
With Brown....I am stagnant, lazy, a potato colored rebecca..yet I have to move to live right?
With Black...I think of eyes..is that weird? My eyes are not brown, they are black and they are the windows to myself..but does anyone really know his or her self? If not, then why don't we all just stare wide eyed into our mirrors? It's too puzzling to be comfortable.
With aqua--I imagine heaven too to be that color. A heavenly northern lights of varying shades of aqua rippling as the angels sing.
sky and ocean. the first two things of God's creation---all cradled within this one seemingly simple and ordinary color. Remember it well.
A-Q-U-A
Friday, July 30, 2010
Why you want to lose weight
I was thinking today....reading my magazine...
one REALLY good reason to lose weight
is so that if one day like in some drama, the heel of your shoe breaks, your ankle gets twisted, you fall unconscious because of a random slap by a mean stranger, you get bullied to the point where you can't move, you can't see because acid accidentally dropped in your eyes, and if an asteroid fell from above and made you immobile, or by some happening stroke of fate....
you want for your prince charming to pick you up easily and not stagger under the weight thinking, "i thought girls were supposed to be light."
one REALLY good reason to lose weight
is so that if one day like in some drama, the heel of your shoe breaks, your ankle gets twisted, you fall unconscious because of a random slap by a mean stranger, you get bullied to the point where you can't move, you can't see because acid accidentally dropped in your eyes, and if an asteroid fell from above and made you immobile, or by some happening stroke of fate....
you want for your prince charming to pick you up easily and not stagger under the weight thinking, "i thought girls were supposed to be light."
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Second Day of Work
Dont get me wrong, I love working at Upbeat! camp
but I
AM NOW
an exhausted working woman :]
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Fly Away Home
you know, if you really know me, you should already know that I love Georgia. point blank.
Here, I have
my family
friends
my childhood
great weather with minimal snow
good chinese food ^.^
MY ENTIRE LIFE
but you know, I've also been thinking recently about going out of state
after all, I KNOW that I'm going to be moving back here if I do go out of state for college.
So, why not get out and see what else is out there for a few years?
I'm scared to go out though, what if i like it better than Georgia?
I'm about the only person I know who feels this way and it's a little lonely.
haha, i didn't truly realize how homesick i would be until costa rica
Dont get me wrong--it was great. it was exciting, INCREDIBLY CONFUSING, challenging, and rewarding all at once, but it just wasn't home.
I missed all my Ocee Park guys IMMENSELY
I missed my family
I missed school friends
I missed church friends
I missed my girls
I missed a JAMBALAYA PARTY THAT MY SISTER THREW WITHOUT ME! haha xD
In the Hartsfield Jackson Airport, I saw this video clip advertising Georgia and I almost cried with happiness thinking, "I'm home. I belong here."
On the clip there was the Okefenokee Swamp, Bobby Jones golf course, Symphony Hall, Coke Museum...all so familiar.
but you know--coming home has never been so special to me before
I've always taken it for granted that I would come back home to Georgia
in 4465 Pinehollow Ct. Alpharetta.
But really soon, it's not going to be that way
I'm gonna have to grow up and fly away
be a big girl
mmm God, thank you for being there, being able to comfort me through all this decision making
This is one of those times where I can't do anything but trust in your holy and mighty will
because I dont even know where I'm taking myself
"For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
- 1 Peter 2:6
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
See YA!
goodbye my girlies
or guys???...which i doubt read this anyways haha
but yes--i'll be back june 14th which is when i shall hang out with every single one of you♥♥♥
off to costa rica
pray for me
for:
my continuing growth in him
that the people's hearts will be open to us
that i will be able to use my espanol in awesome ways
that none of us will get sick from fruit or water or etc
that sunny will be able to cross the suspension bridge without peeing in his pants
that God will give us the words to teach the kids
that He will send us endurance and strength in the heat
that there will not be too many big bugs at one time
and....
that our Lord and Savior will bring us all home safe, sound, and transformed
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
scratch that..
scratch that..
make that
ran into her and mrs. chang at Sports Authority :]
making that so far five days of seeing her beautiful face in a row
make that
2ONE+ days of Monique
ran into her and mrs. chang at Sports Authority :]
making that so far five days of seeing her beautiful face in a row
Monday, May 31, 2010
20+ days of Monique
yes, there is a plus in the title
20+ days of Monique
because these nineteen days are already preset FO SHO going to spend or have already spent with her
....boy am i going to get sick of Monique
JKJKJK i love every moment I spend with you monique♥♥♥
down from hiding under blankets from my parents
to teaching you CTR
to walking and talking in Ocee
to kekekekekekekja;lkfjds;ljfe-ing
YEAH THATS RIGHT---im talking to YOU, mo
okays whew...here we go
Day 1: i get a text from monique going "hey let's hang out" so we do...
randomly spontaneously..out of the blue. We hang at Ocee
swing a TON
lie down on grass and gaze at the sun eating our goldfish
go home (my home) eat dinner, play crash team racing, and making webcasts for our lovely jessie&ivan
Day 2: ...12:00 am..monique goes home
later in the day she picks me up to go to her house for an ACCCN dinner par-tay hehe
we....shishkabob awesomeness made by mrs. chang
go pick up a movie (Nine)
get yelled at by Valerie for picking a "bad movie"
we watch it later...the scandalousness of it is pretty shocking, but its interesting :]
APPLES TO APPLES
(apparently i'm horrific, demanding, and busy)
annndddd leave at twelve...AM
Day 3: Meet up at WHIRLWIND WOOHOO!!!
to see all those adorable little youngins and to have our Costa Rica meeting...
we are allowed only four shirts, a dress, two pairs of shoes, three pairs of underwear, two pants, three pairs of socks, and no comb x]
later---potluck dinner f/ whirlwind team
uncle joey brought oreo ice cream♥
Day 4: came over to my house to let the 'rents play tennis
hehehehehe we played CTR again
...mmm could've spent more time with her if i decided to tag along with whirlwind and go to tofu house, whirlyballing, and lasertagging
man...i should've gone
and DAY4 is TODAY!!
fifteen more definite dates to go~
the next 4 are for pre-costa rica retreat
the next 8 after that is for COSTA RICA!! woohoo
the next 4 after that is for Shocco '10
and who knows after that?
but yes---each time i'm with you mo
i shall never fail to laugh my head off
your heart is beautiful and i'm so happy to be your friend :]
i'm glad we have all these awesome days of summer together cuz i will miss you like no other when you head off to GA tech
hehe...but i'll see you sundays anyways so its all good ;]
♥
20+ days of Monique
because these nineteen days are already preset FO SHO going to spend or have already spent with her
....boy am i going to get sick of Monique
JKJKJK i love every moment I spend with you monique♥♥♥
down from hiding under blankets from my parents
to teaching you CTR
to walking and talking in Ocee
to kekekekekekekja;lkfjds;ljfe-ing
YEAH THATS RIGHT---im talking to YOU, mo
okays whew...here we go
Day 1: i get a text from monique going "hey let's hang out" so we do...
randomly spontaneously..out of the blue. We hang at Ocee
swing a TON
lie down on grass and gaze at the sun eating our goldfish
go home (my home) eat dinner, play crash team racing, and making webcasts for our lovely jessie&ivan
Day 2: ...12:00 am..monique goes home
later in the day she picks me up to go to her house for an ACCCN dinner par-tay hehe
we....shishkabob awesomeness made by mrs. chang
go pick up a movie (Nine)
get yelled at by Valerie for picking a "bad movie"
we watch it later...the scandalousness of it is pretty shocking, but its interesting :]
APPLES TO APPLES
(apparently i'm horrific, demanding, and busy)
annndddd leave at twelve...AM
Day 3: Meet up at WHIRLWIND WOOHOO!!!
to see all those adorable little youngins and to have our Costa Rica meeting...
we are allowed only four shirts, a dress, two pairs of shoes, three pairs of underwear, two pants, three pairs of socks, and no comb x]
later---potluck dinner f/ whirlwind team
uncle joey brought oreo ice cream♥
Day 4: came over to my house to let the 'rents play tennis
hehehehehe we played CTR again
...mmm could've spent more time with her if i decided to tag along with whirlwind and go to tofu house, whirlyballing, and lasertagging
man...i should've gone
and DAY4 is TODAY!!
fifteen more definite dates to go~
the next 4 are for pre-costa rica retreat
the next 8 after that is for COSTA RICA!! woohoo
the next 4 after that is for Shocco '10
and who knows after that?
but yes---each time i'm with you mo
i shall never fail to laugh my head off
your heart is beautiful and i'm so happy to be your friend :]
i'm glad we have all these awesome days of summer together cuz i will miss you like no other when you head off to GA tech
hehe...but i'll see you sundays anyways so its all good ;]
♥
Friday, May 28, 2010
♥♥♥
wow..okay now
in blatant contrast to my latest post
i am going to talk about marriage
yes..that happy ever after, storybook ending, fairy tales coming true
in case you didn't notice..that last sentence was the first line of lyrics for Carrie Underwood's song Ever Ever After...not surprisingly made for Enchanted
but i just got back from a wedding
it was beautiful and I fell in love
yes--me, rebecca fell in love
me who's never had a relationship or any sort of that stuff
in ♥♥♥♥♥♥ head over heels...i'm going to spend the rest of my life kind of stuff
LOOOLOLOLOL did i get you? :D
if i did, please leave a comment and tell me ^^
yes..shrimp grits are great and all and i know i'm a gourmand
but i mainly talked about it to grab your attention
WOOOOO~~ i got the hook! haha
back to the wedding
it was beautiful---one of the best i've been to
not beacause of the white flowers caressing the air, the gorgeous dresses, or the song sung during the benediction
it was the sense of family, the security of love that so obviously flowed between Emily and Chris.
It wasn't a gaudy love, wasn't showy or understated
they were both absolutely certain of their choice and one in God
their families came up during the ceremony as two families became one--
needless to say, the sense of union was incredible.
Maybe it's a sign
i felt so cynical today after looking at all of those pics of star breakups and just sad that marriage could end so easily
However, this wedding turned me around and said, "no. What you've been viewing is the media Hollywood version, the fake one. Now turn to me and witness what true love is."
I really can't wait until my wedding
I already have the songs chosen, the food and how to serve it, who to invite
all i'm missing is the groom ;]
haha jkjk
All you girls will definitely be my bridesmaids---or I'll be yours
as we grow up--all of us, one by one, will become bound to another
it's simply beautiful
I saw my mom and dad hold hands as the newlyweds took their vows
I saw they swaying on the dance floor
I think that if more married couples went to weddings then there would be less divorces, because those couples would be reminded not of the bad times, but of the good times. They would remember promising to be caring in sickness, considerate in good times or bad, and loving forever.
Personally--i was reminded of my marriage with God in that I am going to love him forever.
Thank you Lord for giving me back that hope that marriage can work out okay after all, especially since I was feeling so downcast today about marriage.
in blatant contrast to my latest post
i am going to talk about marriage
yes..that happy ever after, storybook ending, fairy tales coming true
in case you didn't notice..that last sentence was the first line of lyrics for Carrie Underwood's song Ever Ever After...not surprisingly made for Enchanted
but i just got back from a wedding
it was beautiful and I fell in love
yes--me, rebecca fell in love
me who's never had a relationship or any sort of that stuff
in ♥♥♥♥♥♥ head over heels...i'm going to spend the rest of my life kind of stuff
i fell in love with shrimp grits
LOOOLOLOLOL did i get you? :D
if i did, please leave a comment and tell me ^^
yes..shrimp grits are great and all and i know i'm a gourmand
but i mainly talked about it to grab your attention
WOOOOO~~ i got the hook! haha
back to the wedding
it was beautiful---one of the best i've been to
not beacause of the white flowers caressing the air, the gorgeous dresses, or the song sung during the benediction
it was the sense of family, the security of love that so obviously flowed between Emily and Chris.
It wasn't a gaudy love, wasn't showy or understated
they were both absolutely certain of their choice and one in God
their families came up during the ceremony as two families became one--
needless to say, the sense of union was incredible.
Maybe it's a sign
i felt so cynical today after looking at all of those pics of star breakups and just sad that marriage could end so easily
However, this wedding turned me around and said, "no. What you've been viewing is the media Hollywood version, the fake one. Now turn to me and witness what true love is."
I really can't wait until my wedding
I already have the songs chosen, the food and how to serve it, who to invite
all i'm missing is the groom ;]
haha jkjk
All you girls will definitely be my bridesmaids---or I'll be yours
as we grow up--all of us, one by one, will become bound to another
it's simply beautiful
I saw my mom and dad hold hands as the newlyweds took their vows
I saw they swaying on the dance floor
I think that if more married couples went to weddings then there would be less divorces, because those couples would be reminded not of the bad times, but of the good times. They would remember promising to be caring in sickness, considerate in good times or bad, and loving forever.
Personally--i was reminded of my marriage with God in that I am going to love him forever.
Thank you Lord for giving me back that hope that marriage can work out okay after all, especially since I was feeling so downcast today about marriage.
Split Heart
http://www.ivillage.com/demi-lovato-joe-jonas-breakup/1-b-16462
before you look at that link above
i'm going to tell you what it's going to be about..
the title is Star Break-ups
holy cow---no joke this link of forty nine pictures (and sadly enough, i went through every single one) is just about the one thing that can make any romantic drop their jaw
its horrifying
thirty year marriages splitting up
a one month fling
cheating
divorcing while pregnant
kids while boy friend and girl friend
age differences of thirty some years
what is this world coming to?
how can there be so many relationships tossed carelessly aside?
Is that even real love?
for me who's never had a relationship, this is unbelievable
..is this what i have to look forward to?
i think that I'm always going to look for not just that happy ending but also a happy beginning, happy middle
not that it's always going to be like that--there will be sad, angry, frustrating versions of all of those, but I guess some people believe that it's not worth the time and effort to get through them
if it's because you know in your heart that it's not the right person, that's fine..i understand
but be careful in choosing who you give your heart to in the first place too
divorce here and divorce there--its a crazy world
is it that easy to give up years of devotion to someone else?
I really want to believe that there is a lifelong relationship for people out there
(besides God---cuz we KNOW he's always there...actually..thats a really big comfort to me)
go to the link.here it is again
http://www.ivillage.com/demi-lovato-joe-jonas-breakup/1-b-16462
yeah--i know..please do not be like these stars
im speaking both to myself and to whoever is reading
please be faithful, true, loving, like God designed the world to be like.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
scratch scratch..
one mosquito bite
two mosquito bite
red mosquito bite
.....................THE ITCH NEVER STOPS
two mosquito bite
red mosquito bite
.....................THE ITCH NEVER STOPS
Monday, May 24, 2010
Ocee Park Friends
This is what summer is for.
spending all day at ocee park
of course I'm skipping the part about SAT class
but its in the morning so its all good ^^
so today we basically went at it from 1-6:30
five and a half hours of pure basketball, football two hand touch, ultimate frisbee, volleyball, mafia, and tackle football.
not to mention swinging, spinning on tires, riding bumblebees, and sleeping in the grass
btw--spinning on a tire in tight circles is never a good idea at our age
especially if you combine it with being hurled around on a spinning carousel hehe
to say the least--
i came homeexhausted
to what do i owe this exhaustion?
to my lovely friends of course♥
they are the reason that I love summer so much
specifically today there was Alex, Jun, Hudson, Geoffrey, Patrick, Eric, Kevin, Andrew, and bria two newbies (hehe FINALLY SOME MORE GIRLS) eileen and leslie.
seriously guys--i dont know what i'd do without you
sometimes i feel like their mommy cuz we are such a huge lil family
or maybe i'm a brother---just another guy who WILL get tackled if i have the ball
but thats what they are---family
i feel so natural around each and every one of them
but yeah--i wanted to send a shoutout to my boys and Bria cuz even when we move and grow up, get families, go to college, get jobs,
we'll be friends forever
thanks ocee for letting us be amazing together
Sunday, May 23, 2010
to my lovely sen10rs
its unbelievable how much I'm realizing that you wont be in high school next year
cuz all of you have made such a big imprint on my life
that my body doesn't recognize that you're someone to miss yet
thus
YOURE SENIORS!!!
oh my goodness----i watched most of you walk across that stage and my heart ached a little bit
haha can you believe that I'm going to be in that exact same spot next year? :]
but i'm going to say some things to each person here in random order
I just want to say that all of you have touched me, and i'll never forget you♥
1. thank you for being awesome, like an older sister, giving me rides, going crazy together, loving God together---you make me a better person, and I feel at home with you. we've spent our entire childhood together and now you're entering a new chapter---i shall join you soon.
2. I feel honored to have been able to take a picture with you ^^
3. Thank you for making me work hard--especially for encouraging me all the time and for holding the team together. I learned so much from you. You really were one of my role models in volleyball♥
4. I loved meeting someone who cared about environmentalism as much as i do---i have to say that that convo we had was one of the best i've had this year---it made me feel like i finally found a soul that connected to mine ^.^
5. i can't believe the cantaloupe thing actually worked :] haha i love how it much your passion for god shows when you speak about him. you were so respectful to my parents and they were actually pretty impressed---yay!
6. MY SENIOR! you are my SENIOR despite the fact that everyone else are my seniors too---but you are MY SENIOR the most because i am YOUR FRESHMAN! doode--we have been through so much together--specially new york--i remember you teaching me how to sing "the prayer"..your bday party--i will miss you more than ever so you better come back to visit meee
7. you inspire my fashion designer self--not only that-but i love your smile cuz you use it everytime you see me :]
8. that was an amazing dance party we had that one time--ctr, will's park, i love that even though we can't see each other often, when i talk to you, I feel as if we had never been apart. gah--and now you're going to california!!! >< i will miss you so much. thank you for being yourself because I love that part of you the best! you guys are the only ones that I allow to call me shuen.
9. Thank you for driving another person on this list in their walk with christ, not to mention my own walk with Him. It's so obvious that the Holy Spirit is in you.
10. i was kind of scared of you at first--but i shouldnt have judged a book by its cover. You are by far one of THE most lovable people I know. You always put others in consideration before yourself and i think of you as a huge teddy bear haha. please come over for jambalaya any day you want to in the summer. (you can come--but i cant guarantee we'll have it xD)
11. Thank you for being awesome. point blank. for helping to keep me accountable in reading God's word. You havent really said much to me about it, but your actions speak louder than your words. I am awe-inspired by you and will miss you mucho mi senorita!
12. YAYY your smile is super chirpy and homeroom was great cuz we were together---not to mention prom---i feel like we got to know each other much better this year--and i still haven't signed your yearbook! keep on being happy♥
13. we've been together since taylor road and i've never questioned that you wouldn't be there. but now you wont be there :O-- you were the first boy that i ever saw imitate the dance moves of korean girls music videos---keep on dancing awesomely ;] and it was awesome seeing you at movie night AND church! :D
14. haii---i cant believe that you played cards at graduation wow...but yeah--its been cool helping out youth group this year with you. and thankyou for my orch award♥ it bleeds for you (in a good way)
15. i love that we've become friends enough to the point where hugging you doesn't feel like i'm torturing some poor bunny. it feels natural now :] your heart is beautiful---and we need to talk more for sure before you leave me.
16. You are my church mommy--heck you are everybody's mommy. And you're abandoning your child..aren't you ashamed? >:O haha jkjk
but i love you in its entirety. You say things to me cuz you care about me and you're always smiling when i greet you---let's continue walking in christ together♥
17. mm this year was amazing--hearing you play solo for the first time hehe >:] that was such a completely unexpected meeting--and now COSTA RICA! woohoo! haha and prom--that was really a great memory. AHH! i remember being so intimidated by your reputation before and you turned out to be this amazing down to earth guy who i love to watch on stage too...and whos going to college sniff sniff
18. hehe--you rocked my video---me too!--lets hang at ocee sometime..even though we speak in jokes most of the time--you are a deep cookie and i'm really happy that i got to know you more this year :]
19. mmm man for a while there we texted a WHOLE bunch lool...but yeah--i was also a little intimidated by you at first--cuz you seemed kind of scary....but once we got to talking, i felt so inspired by you. You helped keep me accountable and gave me more theology than i was ever expecting. winter retreat---memory kept forever. i cant wait to see what God does in you. :]
20. mmm♥ you and your black talk..you're the first person i ever heard to say "WOMANG." im so excited for costa rica---we shall do amazing things together. keep on working hard and know that He's with you ^^
21. you've taken care of me so well in orchestra over these past years. i love our scrapbook! ahh! just had to throw that in there... i dont know what im going to do without you next year--go recruit some freshmen haha. mmm--you made won-il be nice to me and i had so much fun with you this year--you're sweet even when you say criticist (is that a word?) thing--cuz you just say them with LOVE haha...you'll always be the function on the top of my list ;]
22. oh what to say what to say..i feel like i've already said everything in your yearbook entry..but i want to restate it again cuz you really do mean that much to me. you truly were the one that made me feel the most welcome in chattahoochee as a freshman and lil freshmen like me never forget someone like that..someone who doesn't treat them like a younger random person, but as an equal. your love for people is amazing. i know that you have your ups and downs but you keep such a positive attitude anyways. man--you better not stop talking to me cuz you've been a part of life so long that i SERIOUSLY FOR REAL cannot imagine it without you in it. awww my wasabi brother is graduated--sigh*...you shall do awesome things cuz you love and fear God.
23. WHAT TO SAY? because there is so much that we have going on between us. I feel like we are friends with an unshakable bond. We can act simply crazy together..haha i saved you for last cuz i felt like you deserved this esteemed spot ;)..but anyways--you've been more than a friend.you've been a sister..you and your entire family. we can talk about anything and we strengthen each other's relationship with God. you make me laugh when you laugh and we served on our original nashville team. even though you hate it when people bring up your funny stories..i'll always love them because they represent a side of you that marks you as different than so many other people. You are unique and special in my heart---♥
cuz all of you have made such a big imprint on my life
that my body doesn't recognize that you're someone to miss yet
thus
YOURE SENIORS!!!
oh my goodness----i watched most of you walk across that stage and my heart ached a little bit
haha can you believe that I'm going to be in that exact same spot next year? :]
but i'm going to say some things to each person here in random order
I just want to say that all of you have touched me, and i'll never forget you♥
1. thank you for being awesome, like an older sister, giving me rides, going crazy together, loving God together---you make me a better person, and I feel at home with you. we've spent our entire childhood together and now you're entering a new chapter---i shall join you soon.
2. I feel honored to have been able to take a picture with you ^^
3. Thank you for making me work hard--especially for encouraging me all the time and for holding the team together. I learned so much from you. You really were one of my role models in volleyball♥
4. I loved meeting someone who cared about environmentalism as much as i do---i have to say that that convo we had was one of the best i've had this year---it made me feel like i finally found a soul that connected to mine ^.^
5. i can't believe the cantaloupe thing actually worked :] haha i love how it much your passion for god shows when you speak about him. you were so respectful to my parents and they were actually pretty impressed---yay!
6. MY SENIOR! you are my SENIOR despite the fact that everyone else are my seniors too---but you are MY SENIOR the most because i am YOUR FRESHMAN! doode--we have been through so much together--specially new york--i remember you teaching me how to sing "the prayer"..your bday party--i will miss you more than ever so you better come back to visit meee
7. you inspire my fashion designer self--not only that-but i love your smile cuz you use it everytime you see me :]
8. that was an amazing dance party we had that one time--ctr, will's park, i love that even though we can't see each other often, when i talk to you, I feel as if we had never been apart. gah--and now you're going to california!!! >< i will miss you so much. thank you for being yourself because I love that part of you the best! you guys are the only ones that I allow to call me shuen.
9. Thank you for driving another person on this list in their walk with christ, not to mention my own walk with Him. It's so obvious that the Holy Spirit is in you.
10. i was kind of scared of you at first--but i shouldnt have judged a book by its cover. You are by far one of THE most lovable people I know. You always put others in consideration before yourself and i think of you as a huge teddy bear haha. please come over for jambalaya any day you want to in the summer. (you can come--but i cant guarantee we'll have it xD)
11. Thank you for being awesome. point blank. for helping to keep me accountable in reading God's word. You havent really said much to me about it, but your actions speak louder than your words. I am awe-inspired by you and will miss you mucho mi senorita!
12. YAYY your smile is super chirpy and homeroom was great cuz we were together---not to mention prom---i feel like we got to know each other much better this year--and i still haven't signed your yearbook! keep on being happy♥
13. we've been together since taylor road and i've never questioned that you wouldn't be there. but now you wont be there :O-- you were the first boy that i ever saw imitate the dance moves of korean girls music videos---keep on dancing awesomely ;] and it was awesome seeing you at movie night AND church! :D
14. haii---i cant believe that you played cards at graduation wow...but yeah--its been cool helping out youth group this year with you. and thankyou for my orch award♥ it bleeds for you (in a good way)
15. i love that we've become friends enough to the point where hugging you doesn't feel like i'm torturing some poor bunny. it feels natural now :] your heart is beautiful---and we need to talk more for sure before you leave me.
16. You are my church mommy--heck you are everybody's mommy. And you're abandoning your child..aren't you ashamed? >:O haha jkjk
but i love you in its entirety. You say things to me cuz you care about me and you're always smiling when i greet you---let's continue walking in christ together♥
17. mm this year was amazing--hearing you play solo for the first time hehe >:] that was such a completely unexpected meeting--and now COSTA RICA! woohoo! haha and prom--that was really a great memory. AHH! i remember being so intimidated by your reputation before and you turned out to be this amazing down to earth guy who i love to watch on stage too...and whos going to college sniff sniff
18. hehe--you rocked my video---me too!--lets hang at ocee sometime..even though we speak in jokes most of the time--you are a deep cookie and i'm really happy that i got to know you more this year :]
19. mmm man for a while there we texted a WHOLE bunch lool...but yeah--i was also a little intimidated by you at first--cuz you seemed kind of scary....but once we got to talking, i felt so inspired by you. You helped keep me accountable and gave me more theology than i was ever expecting. winter retreat---memory kept forever. i cant wait to see what God does in you. :]
20. mmm♥ you and your black talk..you're the first person i ever heard to say "WOMANG." im so excited for costa rica---we shall do amazing things together. keep on working hard and know that He's with you ^^
21. you've taken care of me so well in orchestra over these past years. i love our scrapbook! ahh! just had to throw that in there... i dont know what im going to do without you next year--go recruit some freshmen haha. mmm--you made won-il be nice to me and i had so much fun with you this year--you're sweet even when you say criticist (is that a word?) thing--cuz you just say them with LOVE haha...you'll always be the function on the top of my list ;]
22. oh what to say what to say..i feel like i've already said everything in your yearbook entry..but i want to restate it again cuz you really do mean that much to me. you truly were the one that made me feel the most welcome in chattahoochee as a freshman and lil freshmen like me never forget someone like that..someone who doesn't treat them like a younger random person, but as an equal. your love for people is amazing. i know that you have your ups and downs but you keep such a positive attitude anyways. man--you better not stop talking to me cuz you've been a part of life so long that i SERIOUSLY FOR REAL cannot imagine it without you in it. awww my wasabi brother is graduated--sigh*...you shall do awesome things cuz you love and fear God.
23. WHAT TO SAY? because there is so much that we have going on between us. I feel like we are friends with an unshakable bond. We can act simply crazy together..haha i saved you for last cuz i felt like you deserved this esteemed spot ;)..but anyways--you've been more than a friend.you've been a sister..you and your entire family. we can talk about anything and we strengthen each other's relationship with God. you make me laugh when you laugh and we served on our original nashville team. even though you hate it when people bring up your funny stories..i'll always love them because they represent a side of you that marks you as different than so many other people. You are unique and special in my heart---♥
Friday, May 21, 2010
Walking
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
last year on the last day of school--i rode home on the bus, went straight to the computer to print out directions to laser quest for my first time lasertagging ever.
It was freaking awesome
will never forget that amazing time with monique, jessie, donna, karen, and muchos otros.
Then we went to Monique's house to celebrate her birthday!!!! whew!
(which in case if you dont know is tomm :3) HAPPY BDAY MO!
gooood memories
this year's was completely different
notice that I didn't say bad---in fact it might be even as good, because it is simple.
I got to walk
walking is so simple
but so underrated.
over creeks- under trees- past rabid dogs- in mud- with shoes- without shoes- past wildflowers-over fences-on trails- over rocks- with cars whooshing by- through gates of options
there is no end to walking possibilities..
and i experienced every single one of those today
not only that
but i was treated to a one dollar (took like ten minutes on deciding how to save the most money) whopper jr. at the end of it
that wasn't even the best part
I got to walk with two friends who I care for deeply
and we walked together
there is something in walking with another person that makes you appreciate them all the more.
that's why it's called a WALK to remember
romantic walks on the beach
our walk with Christ
it all ties in
i miss my walks with you guys at ocee
we'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time
even when we didn't talk and just moved simultaneously, matching each other's pace, and constantly swaying from one side of the path to the other,
lightly bumping shoulders
it was bonding
I need to walk more
laugh more
DANCE MORE (love you tinny, tammy, trish, ting ...hehe...four T's)
When I walk with someone---with a friend, parent, with Christ
our time together is unforgettable.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
its here!
I dont really feel a difference between the day school ends and summer
its a seamless line
basically---i've already submitted to summer a LONG time ago
its a seamless line
basically---i've already submitted to summer a LONG time ago
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Apple
I struggle with so many temptations around me
i know that you do too
They're always there
commonly disguised and waiting
fooling you into believing that one second won't be much harm
That's why we have people---to keep our inner conscience awake
making us realize that what we craved so much
isn't really that important at all
Thursday, May 13, 2010
a kid again
i'm a spunky monkey
with a spunky ducky
who had a spunky cat
who went and ate a rat
and sang the songs of time
the windows swing and chime
the trashbins sway with ease
like bamboo in the breeze
horses prance and dance
i saw my ragged pants
im a poet in disguise
words will end in my demise
----after a long day
long week
typing whatever you want to without analyzing rhetorical strategies
thinking of examples
wondering how in the world a termite emits methane
writing whatever without a care in the world
is SUCH a relief :]
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Reality Intercepts
yeah--i recently woke up from that dream of a perfect summer
it hasn't even begun and i already feel more overwhelmed than i do with schoolwork
it hasn't even begun and i already feel more overwhelmed than i do with schoolwork
Dreaming
i had a really weird dream last night---
too embarrassing to tell
two nights ago i slept walk for the first time in a year
i know FOR A FACT that i had gone to sleep in my own bed
and yet at five am i found myself crunched up sideways in a oneman armchair
in a completely random room
This feels weird for me
This type of stuff used to happen a lot when I was little
speaking in my sleep
falling down stairs
having both good and bad dreams
once---when i was sleeping over at my grandmothers
i was having a nightmare that my family was leaving me in a scary museum
i apparently spoke in my sleep and shouted while crying
I WANT TO GO HOME!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!
thus--my grandmother felt so bad (cuz she thought i was speaking for real)
that SHE BROUGHT ME BACK HOME
LOOL and i woke up saying---umm...i thought that i was at nai nai's house O.O
Then there are those dreams where you can fly, not like a bug with wings
but peter pan style--yet not as suave
where you can't exactly go the furthest you'd like to, but a good height nonetheless
where sometimes you need a running start
where you need to flap your hands
and once you reach the apex..you feel yourself coming back down to reality.
You can't control them
hehe--sometimes when you wake up from a dream
and if you go back to sleep quick enough
it will pick right back up where you started--as if you had taken a bathroom break or sumthin sumthing
i think that dreams reveal our inner selves so much
the longing, the fears, and the unconscious desires that we never knew we had
you take a step back and ask---is that REALLY what i dreamed?
WAAAAAAATTTT? i had never thought that thought in my conscious life!
and then---you begin to see the dream as truth..
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I Will Survive
YESSS!!!
i am finally able to blog again
you have no idea how many times i came to this new post page
all ready with thoughts of the day
when the reality of AP week came
with basically a practice exam at seven am today
AP Calc BC 7:45 Wed
Lang Paper due today--oh stink--turn it in.com...brb
BACK
anyyyways
summer is coming and i love it
and, i have a ton of stuff to say
but most of all i just want to thank God for letting me survive these past two weeks
and if he can just get me past next week intact---wait if?
of course he can!!!! :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
You've Got....Love?
Too many people are saying "I hate my life" around this time of year
its not a matter of hating your current situation or not
because frankly, the only reason why someone would hate a part of life is if it doesn't meet up to life's usual standards
It's the fact that it's okay to not hate
We are a generation of "the grass is greener on the other side"
there's always someone out there that has it better
sure
there's always a chance that life won't go the way that you want it to
yes
there's a chance that someone will love you even if you aren't aware of it
always
I guess that's one of the many things that keeps the mystery of love from us..
knowing that it might turn up in unexpected or even familiar places
you just have to glance back behind once in a while
and you'll be able to see that pile of love following you faithfully
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
No More Tuesdays...
I feel as if one of those phases in your life has come to an end
mainly because:
- it made me feel like a kid again
- i actually felt useful, even adored
- i could see you every week
- i got the weekly update on the "save the music program"
- I could make funny faces and get genuine funny faces back at me
It won't be the same without them
On Tuesdays, I will be asking myself---shouldn't I be going home at this time?
It began to be where I would look forward to them too, out of all the days of my week
I hope the legacy will persist
mainly because:
- it made me feel like a kid again
- i actually felt useful, even adored
- i could see you every week
- i got the weekly update on the "save the music program"
- I could make funny faces and get genuine funny faces back at me
It won't be the same without them
On Tuesdays, I will be asking myself---shouldn't I be going home at this time?
It began to be where I would look forward to them too, out of all the days of my week
I hope the legacy will persist
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
CALL OF DUTY
http://www.petitiononline.com/sokm2010/petition.html
please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program
********************************************
FULTON COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION MEETING~~~~~~~
WE NEED AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FOR THE PROTEST!
YOU"LL BE ON TELEVISION IN THE NEWS AND WHATNOT TOO! :]
this is your chance to make a difference
like all those colleges say: we dont really care as much of your AP scores than of the fact that you impacted your community in some way
this is your chance
****************************************************
1) sign the online petition
please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program
get your parents and everyone you know to sign--random people at your school
cuz all you need to sign is a name and an email
if you have multiple accounts--go for it
******************************************************
2) ATTEND THE BOARD MEETING!!!!!!!
MOST IMPORTANT!!
This Thursday April 22nd,
Dunwoody Springs Elementary 6:30 PM
be there..or be unmusical
******************************************************
3)we need 10,000 signatures on the petition
http://www.petitiononline.com/sokm2010/petition.html
by this thursday--3000 more...which averages about more than 750 a day
PLEASE HELP!
please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program
********************************************
FULTON COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION MEETING~~~~~~~
WE NEED AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FOR THE PROTEST!
YOU"LL BE ON TELEVISION IN THE NEWS AND WHATNOT TOO! :]
this is your chance to make a difference
like all those colleges say: we dont really care as much of your AP scores than of the fact that you impacted your community in some way
this is your chance
****************************************************
1) sign the online petition
please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program
get your parents and everyone you know to sign--random people at your school
cuz all you need to sign is a name and an email
if you have multiple accounts--go for it
******************************************************
2) ATTEND THE BOARD MEETING!!!!!!!
MOST IMPORTANT!!
This Thursday April 22nd,
Dunwoody Springs Elementary 6:30 PM
be there..or be unmusical
******************************************************
3)we need 10,000 signatures on the petition
http://www.petitiononline.com/sokm2010/petition.html
by this thursday--3000 more...which averages about more than 750 a day
PLEASE HELP!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
No more Complacency
okays---so i haven't been focusing much at all on God to be perfectly honest
in other words--i fell into the deepest trap:
complacency & indifference
I read his word for the first time in a while today
and I came to a chapter I had bookmarked earlier in the year
Amos 6: 1-7
Woe to you who are complacent in Zion,
and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria,
you notable men of the foremost nation,
to whom the people of Israel come!
3 You put off the evil day
and bring near a reign of terror.
4 You lie on beds inlaid with ivory
and lounge on your couches.
You dine on choice lambs
and fattened calves.
5 You strum away on your harps like David
and improvise on musical instruments.
6 You drink wine by the bowlful
and use the finest lotions,
but you do not grieve over the ruin of Joseph.
7 Therefore you will be among the first to go into exile;
your feasting and lounging will end.
i feast, lounge, play, strum, moisturize....not that these things aren't bad
it's because the people in this time period garnered this wealth by cheating the poor
but---i am most definitely one of these overprivileged.
it's amazing how much you realize after only reading seven of God's words
i WAS going to put on here that i'm going to die before this weekend because i have three tests tomm and then a bc final on sat
but then i thought----
there are so many dying in this world
and here i am in an airconditioned, clothed, american dream lifestyle
and what am I doing to change any of that?
I want to make a difference in someone's life right now---
no more complacency
please
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
If My Heart was a House
If My Heart was a House
home home home home
its never been a house
its been my childhood
my toddler years
my grandfather planted pine trees that were knee high twenty years ago
and now they are thirty feet tall
out of the tulips my parents planted twenty years ago
all have faded away
except for one yellow bloom that surprises us every year
one blink of yellow enveloped in pink azaleas
my bed
so warm
there are lead markings on the doorsills ranging from shuen at age 8: 3'3" to shuen at age 16: 5'3" with an occasional playmate's height thrown in
that nick in the kitchen wall made by our rabbits
the same chair we were rocked to sleep in as babies now in a different corner
every nook and cranny i know the story of
ask me and the stories will evolve every way because there is no end to these tales
hidden until reminded by those markings in the wall
i think that despite all of our shenanigans and cries to be set free
we will always want to return to the nest
yeah, its great that we fly everywhere
explore the world
and want that irrepressible freedom
but to be able to walk into a familiar place is heaven
i've never missed home this much before
home---such a beautiful word
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
random thoughts of a college roadtripper
Day 1-
drive drive drive...yay!! DC
"shuen, will you sit up and look at the airforce memorial?"
"Baba, you say that everytime we come up..it hasn't changed since thanksgiving"
"well see it again!" x]
reach aunt amy's house..hug cousin stephen..whew we're in for the night
DAY 2
wake up..finish roses for faith&them
eat breakfast with fam plus cassey..another cousin
drive drive drive
...moving at literally 5 miles per hour in connecticut, new jersey, and new york
WHAT??!!!! $9.50 FOR TOLL????!! :OOOOOO
hehe.got a pic of the $8 one too x]
and...the gps is telling us we will arrive in boston at 1 AM...THEREFORE
DAY 3
leave hotel in connecticut
and..visit YALEEEEEE YAYYY
haha my best pick so far...
still hoping god will call me to wherever he wants for me to go
after info and campus tour..eat lunch :9
and REACH BOSTON!!! :DDDD
hehe and eat chinese food
where my oh so lovely macdonald gang is..
spend the whole night talking and being ourselves
DAY 4
Brown---very nice very nice indeed
#3 choice as of now...
eat lunch
dang..all these ivy leagues have HUMONGO buffets *stuffed*
eat dinner @ uno's pizzeria
best..pizza..EVER no joke
me and faith stand outside the bathroom hiding the fact that we're charging the camara battery in the outlet we're hiding hehe x]
faith, patrick, jeremy, me all sleep upstairs in their study
DAY 5
Boston University & Harvard
wow..
did NOT expect to like harvard that much..its #2 as of now
...is god calling me to this school?
i heard so much mention of his name..at the train station, singing amazing grace on the street..
i bought lunch for a homeless person today
but...it seemed like he was lying to me about stuff..
lol..SUCH RANDOM THOUGHTS haha
and...wearing half a facial mask at the moment
BECAUSE we only had one...so we cut it in half hehe
..we look scary..i'll post pics later :]
and...thats my college road trip part 1
ADIOS
drive drive drive...yay!! DC
"shuen, will you sit up and look at the airforce memorial?"
"Baba, you say that everytime we come up..it hasn't changed since thanksgiving"
"well see it again!" x]
reach aunt amy's house..hug cousin stephen..whew we're in for the night
DAY 2
wake up..finish roses for faith&them
eat breakfast with fam plus cassey..another cousin
drive drive drive
...moving at literally 5 miles per hour in connecticut, new jersey, and new york
WHAT??!!!! $9.50 FOR TOLL????!! :OOOOOO
hehe.got a pic of the $8 one too x]
and...the gps is telling us we will arrive in boston at 1 AM...THEREFORE
DAY 3
leave hotel in connecticut
and..visit YALEEEEEE YAYYY
haha my best pick so far...
still hoping god will call me to wherever he wants for me to go
after info and campus tour..eat lunch :9
and REACH BOSTON!!! :DDDD
hehe and eat chinese food
where my oh so lovely macdonald gang is..
spend the whole night talking and being ourselves
DAY 4
Brown---very nice very nice indeed
#3 choice as of now...
eat lunch
dang..all these ivy leagues have HUMONGO buffets *stuffed*
eat dinner @ uno's pizzeria
best..pizza..EVER no joke
me and faith stand outside the bathroom hiding the fact that we're charging the camara battery in the outlet we're hiding hehe x]
faith, patrick, jeremy, me all sleep upstairs in their study
DAY 5
Boston University & Harvard
wow..
did NOT expect to like harvard that much..its #2 as of now
...is god calling me to this school?
i heard so much mention of his name..at the train station, singing amazing grace on the street..
i bought lunch for a homeless person today
but...it seemed like he was lying to me about stuff..
lol..SUCH RANDOM THOUGHTS haha
and...wearing half a facial mask at the moment
BECAUSE we only had one...so we cut it in half hehe
..we look scary..i'll post pics later :]
and...thats my college road trip part 1
ADIOS
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunflowers
yes ...
Yes....
YES.....
YESSS!!!!!!!!
FINALLY!! I will see my best friend.
Faith MacDonald
man..i'm beyond excited..its not even a describable feeling
So much so that I know I won't feel the effects until I see her in the flesh.
or patrick. or jeremy.
I've heard that Jeremy MacDonald, the younger brother, who is about two grades younger than Wendy is....taller than me
a fact I shall not acknowledge until there is actual physical comparison
why am I even rambling on about height?
I WILL GET TO SEE FAITH!!
all those years spent riding bikes, climbing trees, eating ice cream & dumplings
singing songs, having fights, collecting pokemon
we are complete opposites who are a perfect match
thanks faith..for being the roots and seed of the flower of a person i am now..and most importantly..for giving me God♥
thanks christina...for coaxing that seed out of its shell
thanks bria...for giving that flower water and kept it from wilting
thanks jessie...for being the sunlight to this flower, dont know what id do without you
thanks audry...for giving this flower a cast so it could heal its broken stem
thanks jaime...for making this flower remember God
thanks christine...for taking this flower under your wing and protecting it
thanks victoria...for watering this flower with your love and friendship
thanks monique...for keeping away those weeds and making the pathway straight
thanks penn...for talking to the flower and giving it oxygen♥
thanks sandra...for being that constant source of comfort- fertilizer :]
thanks jesse...for making me respect you
thanks geoffrey...for your refreshing playfulness
thanks patrick...for fighting with me all the time..i love it
thanks alex...for being yourself, i wouldn't have you any other way
thanks alex...for wishing with me on a star that is burned into my memory forever
thanks jun....for neverfailingly making me happy to see you each time we meet
thanks ivan...for always making me smile
thanks ben....for being my big bro
thanks daniel...for caring
thanks hudson....for stealing my stuff, but always giving it back
thanks darren...for always im'ing me first and so much more that im not gonna list it :]
so yes..this post is dedicated to Faith MacDonald truly
because all those people i gave thanks to...
are really giving thanks to the person Faith has made me
and i'll never forget that....
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sun is Shining
okay..enough sad posts
because i really do feel happy
and im actually happy that ive been feeling sad,
because i'm proving to myself that i'm actually human!!!
There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I dont want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...
what the heck....LOLOLOLOLOL
WENDY & MY DAD JUST BROKE THE STAIR BANISTER
and the sun is shining
i actually have time to think
i can go to the park
life is beautiful in the ways that you never fully expect it to be
Thursday, March 25, 2010
FAIL dun dun dun
man..i know that i keep saying that God is calling me to Costa Rica, not to GHP
but please spare me these few minutes of hurt
i'm so happy for all my ghp folks
honestly and truly
that's one of the reasons why my own failure hasn't hit me as hard as it can
i'm just sad that I fail
the two things i wanted out of this year: all-state and GHP
the two things that I said last year that i would work my butt off to achieve
all...gone
no more chances
it actually does hurt some...idunno why, but then who ever knows?
disappointment? too much fried stuff?
the knowledge that all you're going to get are sympathetic stares, "oh its okay, you'll get something else" and
"hey, i'm sorry"
i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me....ever
i only want to be able to feel sorry for myself and then move on from it
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Dear John
Done with Dear John
completely heartbreaking
not in the happy way
i sometimes wonder if i'll end up that way
Reading Rainbow
So..as of the moment
I am reading two books
Gone with the Wind
and
Dear John
the latter which i literally got today in second period and am already through more than half of it
its so beautiful
the girls of Nicholas Sparks always makes you want to be that person, to better yourself, to possess an inherent demeanor that they have
a perfect mix of understanding, unique, happy, playful, and sincerity
Ever since I was little, I feel that every girl character I read about becomes a part of me
that I should care about what they care about
that I want to be as carefree and special to someone
this has happened with Heidi, Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), Sara Crewe (A Little Princess), Jo March (Little Women), Cimorene (Enchanted Forest Chronicles), Betty (Archie..hehe), Elizabeth AND Jessica Wakefield(Sweet Valley High)
I feel Scarlett O'Hara's frankness, pride, vanity, and her meanness spread through me...
and i've definitely got more, "you're getting meaner"
I feel Savannah's gentle appreciation of simplicity, her naivety, and determination to work for greater good permeate through my veins, my childhood veins.
and I feel that I am both girls
is that even possible?
I love how much I can be influenced by what I read, that's one of the reasons I love finding a Bible passage that just speaks to me..
But at the same time it's a little scary
What if I read something bad for me?
how will that affect my character?
Or maybe at the moment, i'm just feeling the reader side of rebecca press more strongly
i can never tell exactly what parts of me are most dominant
I'm not going to stop reading--NO WAY JOSE
I'm that harry potter nerd who read each book in the series like twenty times
maybe just learning what's important in each girl's life has helped me be the girl I am today
and hopefully that girl will grow
I am reading two books
Gone with the Wind
and
Dear John
the latter which i literally got today in second period and am already through more than half of it
its so beautiful
the girls of Nicholas Sparks always makes you want to be that person, to better yourself, to possess an inherent demeanor that they have
a perfect mix of understanding, unique, happy, playful, and sincerity
Ever since I was little, I feel that every girl character I read about becomes a part of me
that I should care about what they care about
that I want to be as carefree and special to someone
this has happened with Heidi, Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), Sara Crewe (A Little Princess), Jo March (Little Women), Cimorene (Enchanted Forest Chronicles), Betty (Archie..hehe), Elizabeth AND Jessica Wakefield(Sweet Valley High)
I feel Scarlett O'Hara's frankness, pride, vanity, and her meanness spread through me...
and i've definitely got more, "you're getting meaner"
I feel Savannah's gentle appreciation of simplicity, her naivety, and determination to work for greater good permeate through my veins, my childhood veins.
and I feel that I am both girls
is that even possible?
I love how much I can be influenced by what I read, that's one of the reasons I love finding a Bible passage that just speaks to me..
But at the same time it's a little scary
What if I read something bad for me?
how will that affect my character?
Or maybe at the moment, i'm just feeling the reader side of rebecca press more strongly
i can never tell exactly what parts of me are most dominant
I'm not going to stop reading--NO WAY JOSE
I'm that harry potter nerd who read each book in the series like twenty times
maybe just learning what's important in each girl's life has helped me be the girl I am today
and hopefully that girl will grow
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
No Use
No Use...
Fulton County Board of Education has decided to cut all elementary band and orchestra programs..
Fulton County Board of Education has decided to cut all elementary band and orchestra programs..
Into the Mic
Into the Mic
Oh my goodness
I can't believe we actually spoke at a Fulton County Board of Education Meeting
Binita was phenomenol-- standing ovation
I had to cut out thirty seconds of my two minute speech, but thats okay
most importantly
I hope that it reached the hearts of the board members and any music teachers there
Vote comes tonight..i can and can't wait
I was so scared throughout this week you know?
It was like, for the first time in my life
(i know reallyyy dramatic, but its true)
i figured out that you can't always just say
"leave it up to the grownups"
because its such a cliche but COMPLETELY true saying----anyone can make a difference.
Pray & Cross your fingers please!!!
Oh my goodness
I can't believe we actually spoke at a Fulton County Board of Education Meeting
Binita was phenomenol-- standing ovation
I had to cut out thirty seconds of my two minute speech, but thats okay
most importantly
I hope that it reached the hearts of the board members and any music teachers there
Vote comes tonight..i can and can't wait
I was so scared throughout this week you know?
It was like, for the first time in my life
(i know reallyyy dramatic, but its true)
i figured out that you can't always just say
"leave it up to the grownups"
because its such a cliche but COMPLETELY true saying----anyone can make a difference.
Pray & Cross your fingers please!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
3.14159.....
I took a quiz and my geeky quote of the day is---
Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.
Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.
I'm a Fishy ^3^
I'm a Fishy ^3^
Seriously...
i'm so confused
I love Georgia with all my heart
I would love to go to college here
I want to live here when I grow up and have all my elementary school friends around me...be able to say to my kids
"Look! I went to school there! and look! my fifth grade teacher is still carrying that same old purse!"
to have that same excitement when more than two flurries of snow comes down
all these pine trees- poignant and fresh
summer warmth that envelops the body like a blanket
blue skies, the whole alpharetta bit
On the other hand..
I don't want to be in a bubble
a goldfish in a bowl
like that chinese proverb goes
"jin di zhi wa"-- (frog in a well)
hehe about one of the only things i remember from my nine years in chinese school x]
but I want to know if there is more
and be able to reach to more people
leave these incessant arms of security for once
because with this music program craziness coming up
for the first time in my life
i can't just "leave it up to the grownups"
and that scares me..
i need to be able to grow independently and stand on my own
no problem right?
just go and see the world then come home for Georgia
see...its not so simple
Everyplace you live..like with boyfriends
you give a little part of your heart to it
and since i've lived in Georgia my whole life
all of my heart is given to it
anyone who knows me knows that I take pride in being from the south
its without a doubt "home"
But if I go somewhere out of state for college...and maybe to live or work in the future
won't that then become my "new home"
won't that mean that my heart will be split into two pieces and buried in two separate locations?
I feel that if this happens, then I won't ever be completely satisfied in one place
Part of me will always be longing for that other "home"
soo...dilemma, inner conflict, whatever you want to call it
Be a fishy or be a nomad
I know that I have to stop being a fishy
and it will be impossible from becoming a nomad in this process
but i'm just going to wait it out
(man..i'm already waiting out so many other things-----)
and we shall see DUNDUNDUN.....
Seriously...
i'm so confused
I love Georgia with all my heart
I would love to go to college here
I want to live here when I grow up and have all my elementary school friends around me...be able to say to my kids
"Look! I went to school there! and look! my fifth grade teacher is still carrying that same old purse!"
to have that same excitement when more than two flurries of snow comes down
all these pine trees- poignant and fresh
summer warmth that envelops the body like a blanket
blue skies, the whole alpharetta bit
On the other hand..
I don't want to be in a bubble
a goldfish in a bowl
like that chinese proverb goes
"jin di zhi wa"-- (frog in a well)
hehe about one of the only things i remember from my nine years in chinese school x]
but I want to know if there is more
and be able to reach to more people
leave these incessant arms of security for once
because with this music program craziness coming up
for the first time in my life
i can't just "leave it up to the grownups"
and that scares me..
i need to be able to grow independently and stand on my own
no problem right?
just go and see the world then come home for Georgia
see...its not so simple
Everyplace you live..like with boyfriends
you give a little part of your heart to it
and since i've lived in Georgia my whole life
all of my heart is given to it
anyone who knows me knows that I take pride in being from the south
its without a doubt "home"
But if I go somewhere out of state for college...and maybe to live or work in the future
won't that then become my "new home"
won't that mean that my heart will be split into two pieces and buried in two separate locations?
I feel that if this happens, then I won't ever be completely satisfied in one place
Part of me will always be longing for that other "home"
soo...dilemma, inner conflict, whatever you want to call it
Be a fishy or be a nomad
I know that I have to stop being a fishy
and it will be impossible from becoming a nomad in this process
but i'm just going to wait it out
(man..i'm already waiting out so many other things-----)
and we shall see DUNDUNDUN.....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Why am I so dumb?
Only I would proceed to answer twenty-five questions that I have no clue about
only to find out that instead of taking of .25 for each wrong one like they normally do
the test does (# correct - # wrong).
yay...negative scores
Only I would proceed to make a rose for someone cuz they lost their previous one
only for them to give it away to someone else literally the next second
Only I would dream of having those skinny model legs
only to go and eat one hundred pounds of homemade food (mostly veggies though x])
Only I would get an 800 on my PSAT math
only to completely fail my school and be the disgrace of the chattahoochee math team
Only I would study like a maniac get 90% of my SAT vocab right the first time
only to have to study even harder the second time to show "progression"
Only I would be complaining on a blog
unlike a real person who would actually be conversing with someone else and not mouthing words to themselves in front of the computer
what can I say?
I'm just uniquely dumb~
Sunday, March 7, 2010
For You (Version Two)
it doesn't matter
whether who's prettier, nicer, better, more talented, can draw better, can do a handstand
who can get the prom date, or ANY date
who's ranking is better, more likely to get into all-state GHP college and all that junk
actually...it does
the world sees it that way
you never see the computer nerd on TeenVogue
and no one cares if you made semi-finals..only if you actually went all the way
and if you're the girl next door
of course your best friend will be the one to get the guy
that's how it works in the world
And I know we care about it
all those little details that ABSOLUTELY matter
because we wouldn't be US without it
...
and it kills us
this evergoing comparison
never ceasing
constantly teasing
and pulling at heartstrings
that twang that all too familiar tune
"why aren't I, ME, good enough?
was I that easy to forget?"
and even though they smile graciously and cutely
springing out an "of course not"
you always know its true
but thats the thing about the world
thats how it thinks
but no..WE can think about more
because the nerdy girl will get the prom date
ask anyone who's seen the you belong to me music video
and so what if she can do it better?
there are so many other things that you soar high in
and i think you are gorgeous
i always have
since i've first seen you
more than anyone in that room or at your table
because we dont care about what the world thinks remember?
and its hard to follow, but we have to hold true to that
and to live with that constant assessment and judging
its so hard
i know
it makes you this cheerful shell
empty except for those same twanging heartstrings
but we're here for each other
through thick and thin
and do you know what the great thing is?
we both know that we are uniquely amazing
Saturday, March 6, 2010
F is not for Friends
today..i got sleep
for the first time in a REALLY reeaallly long time
and it felt good.
to be able to sleep during the day is such a luxury.
to be able to talk with my family around the table instead of the tv is a blessing
to be able to bake, inhaling those blissful aromas is heaven..lol..
i can't believe that we fell into the same rut that so many families fall into,
grabbing a bowl and plopping oneself in front of the computer or tv
family means so much more than that
"OWWW!" wendy is sitting there grinning wickedly
with that culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)
(three minutes later)
that is what family is supposed to be like
not poking one another with toothpicks of course x]
but being a unit of love
singular and integrated
meshing together to form this one gooey batch of debates, teasing, and hugs
iced off with unconditional love
if my dad is standing in my doorway and looking at me with a stern austere face
i know that it's not because i did something wrong
its not because i got an F
its not because my room is messy (actually..nvm this reason is quite possible)
its because i forgot to give him a kiss when he came home
to sit on my parents' laps, to give them bear hugs and kisses
to waltz with my mom in the kitchen
its so natural
because that's how family is to me
so this is just a post for them
because before i had friends
before i started edging out of the nest
they were always there
i love my family♥
for the first time in a REALLY reeaallly long time
and it felt good.
to be able to sleep during the day is such a luxury.
to be able to talk with my family around the table instead of the tv is a blessing
to be able to bake, inhaling those blissful aromas is heaven..lol..
i can't believe that we fell into the same rut that so many families fall into,
grabbing a bowl and plopping oneself in front of the computer or tv
family means so much more than that
"OWWW!" wendy is sitting there grinning wickedly
with that culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)
(three minutes later)
"OWWWWWW!!!" rebecca is standing there grinning wickedly
with that same culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)
difference?
the second time occurs six feet away from where the cantaloupe bowl is
wendy snatches up toothpick
rebecca runs and cowers in laundry room
(exit scene)
that is what family is supposed to be like
not poking one another with toothpicks of course x]
but being a unit of love
singular and integrated
meshing together to form this one gooey batch of debates, teasing, and hugs
iced off with unconditional love
if my dad is standing in my doorway and looking at me with a stern austere face
i know that it's not because i did something wrong
its not because i got an F
its not because my room is messy (actually..nvm this reason is quite possible)
its because i forgot to give him a kiss when he came home
to sit on my parents' laps, to give them bear hugs and kisses
to waltz with my mom in the kitchen
its so natural
because that's how family is to me
so this is just a post for them
because before i had friends
before i started edging out of the nest
they were always there
i love my family♥
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