Seriously...
i'm so confused
I love Georgia with all my heart
I would love to go to college here
I want to live here when I grow up and have all my elementary school friends around me...be able to say to my kids
"Look! I went to school there! and look! my fifth grade teacher is still carrying that same old purse!"
to have that same excitement when more than two flurries of snow comes down
all these pine trees- poignant and fresh
summer warmth that envelops the body like a blanket
blue skies, the whole alpharetta bit
On the other hand..
I don't want to be in a bubble
a goldfish in a bowl
like that chinese proverb goes
"jin di zhi wa"-- (frog in a well)
hehe about one of the only things i remember from my nine years in chinese school x]
but I want to know if there is more
and be able to reach to more people
leave these incessant arms of security for once
because with this music program craziness coming up
for the first time in my life
i can't just "leave it up to the grownups"
and that scares me..
i need to be able to grow independently and stand on my own
no problem right?
just go and see the world then come home for Georgia
see...its not so simple
Everyplace you live..like with boyfriends
you give a little part of your heart to it
and since i've lived in Georgia my whole life
all of my heart is given to it
anyone who knows me knows that I take pride in being from the south
its without a doubt "home"
But if I go somewhere out of state for college...and maybe to live or work in the future
won't that then become my "new home"
won't that mean that my heart will be split into two pieces and buried in two separate locations?
I feel that if this happens, then I won't ever be completely satisfied in one place
Part of me will always be longing for that other "home"
soo...dilemma, inner conflict, whatever you want to call it
Be a fishy or be a nomad
I know that I have to stop being a fishy
and it will be impossible from becoming a nomad in this process
but i'm just going to wait it out
(man..i'm already waiting out so many other things-----)
and we shall see DUNDUNDUN.....
oh my gosh...same here. I want to stay here. There's security, there's everything I've ever known. There's a guarantee of a peaceful life, or as close as I can get.
ReplyDeleteBut i don't know if I want that plan.