Deaf, not Blind

I remember asking Jesse a long time ago

"would you rather be blind or deaf?"

i was so surprised by his answer, though I shouldn't have been.
"Of course BLIND" he said
of course he would say that, because he is a musician
how can a musician play without his hearing?

but aren't I a musician?
and I said that I would rather be

deaf.

I know I know..all those hardcore musicians who are reading this might go like---psh...then you don't really love music
and I do love music...truly.

I just love the world more.

How can one live without all this color?
to not know be able to recognize your mother's face or see her smile?
To see a table of a feast gorgeously sprawled out over a simple table
to not see the ocean--
the trees
to look at the sky
can you HEAR the sky? blooming overhead, bright and blue?

To have your heart beat when you see that person's face..
To be able to know each color by heart
marigold, cardinal red, sapphire, aqua, honeydew, mint, cream, caramel,
good enough to eat

sepia, olive, lavender, peacock green, peach, magenta, silver, mahogany, violet, wolf gray, pine, burnt orange...
each colored pencil glowing like individual jewels...each priceless..
color my world....
these colors, to see them, is such a blessing
yes music is a way to color the world too..but seeing brings me greater joy than hearing.

After all...you don't need ears to hear God's voice...

fields, flowers, handwritten notes, looming mountains---all sound of music worthy
hehe ironic title x]

my former face on videotapes, old pictures, the happy sight of couples on valentine's day, drawing....without sight none of these could be possible.
even the sight of pain, even though it makes your heart hurt...
it's worth it.
how much the blind miss in life...
Even worse...to know sight then lose your grasp on it...that would be almost unbearable.

I remember that when I heard Jesse's answer that day
i felt almost ashamed that I wanted sight instead of hearing.
I offered an alternative.."wasn't beethoven deaf when he composed?"
"nono..its not the same even still..he would've wrote even BETTER ones if he could hear."

okay...definitely not the comfort I was looking for

For some reason..i was thinking back to that day
and even though I've grown and come to love music more and more.
My love of sight has grown even greater
having been able to recognize each innocent childish face at whirlwind..
the instantaneous joy and fear of walking onto a stage and seeing the multitudes of the audience.
the purples pinks and oranges wraveled with the normal sweet blue of a georgia sunset

If I chose blindness over deafness
then it wouldn't have mattered what I said
because that answer would have meant that I would have already been deprived of the beauty of the world.