20+ days of Monique

yes, there is a plus in the title
20+ days of Monique

because these nineteen days are already preset FO SHO going to spend or have already spent with her
....boy am i going to get sick of Monique
JKJKJK i love every moment I spend with you monique♥♥♥

down from hiding under blankets from my parents
to teaching you CTR
to walking and talking in Ocee
to kekekekekekekja;lkfjds;ljfe-ing


YEAH THATS RIGHT---im talking to YOU, mo

okays whew...here we go

Day 1: i get a text from monique going "hey let's hang out" so we do...
randomly spontaneously..out of the blue. We hang at Ocee
swing a TON
lie down on grass and gaze at the sun eating our goldfish
go home (my home) eat dinner, play crash team racing, and making webcasts for our lovely jessie&ivan


Day 2: ...12:00 am..monique goes home
later in the day she picks me up to go to her house for an ACCCN dinner par-tay hehe
we....shishkabob awesomeness made by mrs. chang
go pick up a movie (Nine)
get yelled at by Valerie for picking a "bad movie"
we watch it later...the scandalousness of it is pretty shocking, but its interesting :]
APPLES TO APPLES
(apparently i'm horrific, demanding, and busy)
annndddd leave at twelve...AM


Day 3: Meet up at WHIRLWIND WOOHOO!!!
to see all those adorable little youngins and to have our Costa Rica meeting...
we are allowed only four shirts, a dress, two pairs of shoes, three pairs of underwear, two pants, three pairs of socks, and no comb x]
later---potluck dinner f/ whirlwind team
uncle joey brought oreo ice cream♥


Day 4: came over to my house to let the 'rents play tennis
hehehehehe we played CTR again
...mmm could've spent more time with her if i decided to tag along with whirlwind and go to tofu house, whirlyballing, and lasertagging
man...i should've gone

and DAY4 is TODAY!!

fifteen more definite dates to go~
the next 4 are for pre-costa rica retreat
the next 8 after that is for COSTA RICA!! woohoo
the next 4 after that is for Shocco '10

and who knows after that?

but yes---each time i'm with you mo
i shall never fail to laugh my head off
your heart is beautiful and i'm so happy to be your friend :]
i'm glad we have all these awesome days of summer together cuz i will miss you like no other when you head off to GA tech
hehe...but i'll see you sundays anyways so its all good ;]

♥

♥♥♥

wow..okay now

in blatant contrast to my latest post
i am going to talk about marriage

yes..that happy ever after, storybook ending, fairy tales coming true
in case you didn't notice..that last sentence was the first line of lyrics for Carrie Underwood's song Ever Ever After...not surprisingly made for Enchanted

but i just got back from a wedding
it was beautiful and I fell in love
yes--me, rebecca fell in love
me who's never had a relationship or any sort of that stuff
in ♥♥♥♥♥♥ head over heels...i'm going to spend the rest of my life kind of stuff

i fell in love with shrimp grits

LOOOLOLOLOL did i get you? :D
if i did, please leave a comment and tell me ^^


yes..shrimp grits are great and all and i know i'm a gourmand
but i mainly talked about it to grab your attention
WOOOOO~~ i got the hook! haha

back to the wedding

it was beautiful---one of the best i've been to
not beacause of the white flowers caressing the air, the gorgeous dresses, or the song sung during the benediction

it was the sense of family, the security of love that so obviously flowed between Emily and Chris.
It wasn't a gaudy love, wasn't showy or understated
they were both absolutely certain of their choice and one in God
their families came up during the ceremony as two families became one--
needless to say, the sense of union was incredible.

Maybe it's a sign
i felt so cynical today after looking at all of those pics of star breakups and just sad that marriage could end so easily
However, this wedding turned me around and said, "no. What you've been viewing is the media Hollywood version, the fake one. Now turn to me and witness what true love is."

I really can't wait until my wedding
I already have the songs chosen, the food and how to serve it, who to invite
all i'm missing is the groom ;]
haha jkjk

All you girls will definitely be my bridesmaids---or I'll be yours
as we grow up--all of us, one by one, will become bound to another

it's simply beautiful

I saw my mom and dad hold hands as the newlyweds took their vows
I saw they swaying on the dance floor
I think that if more married couples went to weddings then there would be less divorces, because those couples would be reminded not of the bad times, but of the good times. They would remember promising to be caring in sickness, considerate in good times or bad, and loving forever.
Personally--i was reminded of my marriage with God in that I am going to love him forever.

Thank you Lord for giving me back that hope that marriage can work out okay after all, especially since I was feeling so downcast today about marriage.

Split Heart

http://www.ivillage.com/demi-lovato-joe-jonas-breakup/1-b-16462

before you look at that link above
i'm going to tell you what it's going to be about..

the title is Star Break-ups

holy cow---no joke this link of forty nine pictures (and sadly enough, i went through every single one) is just about the one thing that can make any romantic drop their jaw
its horrifying
thirty year marriages splitting up
a one month fling
cheating
divorcing while pregnant
kids while boy friend and girl friend
age differences of thirty some years

what is this world coming to?
how can there be so many relationships tossed carelessly aside?
Is that even real love?

for me who's never had a relationship, this is unbelievable
..is this what i have to look forward to?
i think that I'm always going to look for not just that happy ending but also a happy beginning, happy middle
not that it's always going to be like that--there will be sad, angry, frustrating versions of all of those, but I guess some people believe that it's not worth the time and effort to get through them

if it's because you know in your heart that it's not the right person, that's fine..i understand
but be careful in choosing who you give your heart to in the first place too

divorce here and divorce there--its a crazy world
is it that easy to give up years of devotion to someone else?

I really want to believe that there is a lifelong relationship for people out there
(besides God---cuz we KNOW he's always there...actually..thats a really big comfort to me)

go to the link.here it is again
http://www.ivillage.com/demi-lovato-joe-jonas-breakup/1-b-16462

yeah--i know..please do not be like these stars
im speaking both to myself and to whoever is reading
please be faithful, true, loving, like God designed the world to be like.

scratch scratch..

one mosquito bite
two mosquito bite
red mosquito bite
.....................THE ITCH NEVER STOPS

Ocee Park Friends

This is what summer is for.

spending all day at ocee park

of course I'm skipping the part about SAT class
but its in the morning so its all good ^^

so today we basically went at it from 1-6:30
five and a half hours of pure basketball, football two hand touch, ultimate frisbee, volleyball, mafia, and tackle football.
not to mention swinging, spinning on tires, riding bumblebees, and sleeping in the grass

btw--spinning on a tire in tight circles is never a good idea at our age
especially if you combine it with being hurled around on a spinning carousel hehe

to say the least--
i came homeexhausted

to what do i owe this exhaustion?

to my lovely friends of course♥
they are the reason that I love summer so much
specifically today there was Alex, Jun, Hudson, Geoffrey, Patrick, Eric, Kevin, Andrew, and bria two newbies (hehe FINALLY SOME MORE GIRLS) eileen and leslie.

seriously guys--i dont know what i'd do without you
sometimes i feel like their mommy cuz we are such a huge lil family
or maybe i'm a brother---just another guy who WILL get tackled if i have the ball

but thats what they are---family

i feel so natural around each and every one of them

but yeah--i wanted to send a shoutout to my boys and Bria cuz even when we move and grow up, get families, go to college, get jobs,

we'll be friends forever

thanks ocee for letting us be amazing together

to my lovely sen10rs

its unbelievable how much I'm realizing that you wont be in high school next year
cuz all of you have made such a big imprint on my life
that my body doesn't recognize that you're someone to miss yet

thus
YOURE SENIORS!!!
oh my goodness----i watched most of you walk across that stage and my heart ached a little bit
haha can you believe that I'm going to be in that exact same spot next year? :]

but i'm going to say some things to each person here in random order

I just want to say that all of you have touched me, and i'll never forget you♥

1. thank you for being awesome, like an older sister, giving me rides, going crazy together, loving God together---you make me a better person, and I feel at home with you. we've spent our entire childhood together and now you're entering a new chapter---i shall join you soon.

2. I feel honored to have been able to take a picture with you ^^

3. Thank you for making me work hard--especially for encouraging me all the time and for holding the team together. I learned so much from you. You really were one of my role models in volleyball♥

4. I loved meeting someone who cared about environmentalism as much as i do---i have to say that that convo we had was one of the best i've had this year---it made me feel like i finally found a soul that connected to mine ^.^

5. i can't believe the cantaloupe thing actually worked :] haha i love how it much your passion for god shows when you speak about him. you were so respectful to my parents and they were actually pretty impressed---yay!

6. MY SENIOR! you are my SENIOR despite the fact that everyone else are my seniors too---but you are MY SENIOR the most because i am YOUR FRESHMAN! doode--we have been through so much together--specially new york--i remember you teaching me how to sing "the prayer"..your bday party--i will miss you more than ever so you better come back to visit meee

7. you inspire my fashion designer self--not only that-but i love your smile cuz you use it everytime you see me :]

8. that was an amazing dance party we had that one time--ctr, will's park, i love that even though we can't see each other often, when i talk to you, I feel as if we had never been apart. gah--and now you're going to california!!! >< i will miss you so much. thank you for being yourself because I love that part of you the best! you guys are the only ones that I allow to call me shuen.

9. Thank you for driving another person on this list in their walk with christ, not to mention my own walk with Him. It's so obvious that the Holy Spirit is in you.

10. i was kind of scared of you at first--but i shouldnt have judged a book by its cover. You are by far one of THE most lovable people I know. You always put others in consideration before yourself and i think of you as a huge teddy bear haha. please come over for jambalaya any day you want to in the summer. (you can come--but i cant guarantee we'll have it xD)

11. Thank you for being awesome. point blank. for helping to keep me accountable in reading God's word. You havent really said much to me about it, but your actions speak louder than your words. I am awe-inspired by you and will miss you mucho mi senorita!

12. YAYY your smile is super chirpy and homeroom was great cuz we were together---not to mention prom---i feel like we got to know each other much better this year--and i still haven't signed your yearbook! keep on being happy♥

13. we've been together since taylor road and i've never questioned that you wouldn't be there. but now you wont be there :O-- you were the first boy that i ever saw imitate the dance moves of korean girls music videos---keep on dancing awesomely ;] and it was awesome seeing you at movie night AND church! :D

14. haii---i cant believe that you played cards at graduation wow...but yeah--its been cool helping out youth group this year with you. and thankyou for my orch award♥ it bleeds for you (in a good way)

15. i love that we've become friends enough to the point where hugging you doesn't feel like i'm torturing some poor bunny. it feels natural now :] your heart is beautiful---and we need to talk more for sure before you leave me.

16. You are my church mommy--heck you are everybody's mommy. And you're abandoning your child..aren't you ashamed? >:O haha jkjk
but i love you in its entirety. You say things to me cuz you care about me and you're always smiling when i greet you---let's continue walking in christ together♥

17. mm this year was amazing--hearing you play solo for the first time hehe >:] that was such a completely unexpected meeting--and now COSTA RICA! woohoo! haha and prom--that was really a great memory. AHH! i remember being so intimidated by your reputation before and you turned out to be this amazing down to earth guy who i love to watch on stage too...and whos going to college sniff sniff

18. hehe--you rocked my video---me too!--lets hang at ocee sometime..even though we speak in jokes most of the time--you are a deep cookie and i'm really happy that i got to know you more this year :]

19. mmm man for a while there we texted a WHOLE bunch lool...but yeah--i was also a little intimidated by you at first--cuz you seemed kind of scary....but once we got to talking, i felt so inspired by you. You helped keep me accountable and gave me more theology than i was ever expecting. winter retreat---memory kept forever. i cant wait to see what God does in you. :]

20. mmm♥ you and your black talk..you're the first person i ever heard to say "WOMANG." im so excited for costa rica---we shall do amazing things together. keep on working hard and know that He's with you ^^

21. you've taken care of me so well in orchestra over these past years. i love our scrapbook! ahh! just had to throw that in there... i dont know what im going to do without you next year--go recruit some freshmen haha. mmm--you made won-il be nice to me and i had so much fun with you this year--you're sweet even when you say criticist (is that a word?) thing--cuz you just say them with LOVE haha...you'll always be the function on the top of my list ;]

22. oh what to say what to say..i feel like i've already said everything in your yearbook entry..but i want to restate it again cuz you really do mean that much to me. you truly were the one that made me feel the most welcome in chattahoochee as a freshman and lil freshmen like me never forget someone like that..someone who doesn't treat them like a younger random person, but as an equal. your love for people is amazing. i know that you have your ups and downs but you keep such a positive attitude anyways. man--you better not stop talking to me cuz you've been a part of life so long that i SERIOUSLY FOR REAL cannot imagine it without you in it. awww my wasabi brother is graduated--sigh*...you shall do awesome things cuz you love and fear God.

23. WHAT TO SAY? because there is so much that we have going on between us. I feel like we are friends with an unshakable bond. We can act simply crazy together..haha i saved you for last cuz i felt like you deserved this esteemed spot ;)..but anyways--you've been more than a friend.you've been a sister..you and your entire family. we can talk about anything and we strengthen each other's relationship with God. you make me laugh when you laugh and we served on our original nashville team. even though you hate it when people bring up your funny stories..i'll always love them because they represent a side of you that marks you as different than so many other people. You are unique and special in my heart---♥

Walking

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

last year on the last day of school--i rode home on the bus, went straight to the computer to print out directions to laser quest for my first time lasertagging ever.
It was freaking awesome
will never forget that amazing time with monique, jessie, donna, karen, and muchos otros.
Then we went to Monique's house to celebrate her birthday!!!! whew!
(which in case if you dont know is tomm :3) HAPPY BDAY MO!
gooood memories


this year's was completely different
notice that I didn't say bad---in fact it might be even as good, because it is simple.

I got to walk

walking is so simple
but so underrated.
over creeks- under trees- past rabid dogs- in mud- with shoes- without shoes- past wildflowers-over fences-on trails- over rocks- with cars whooshing by- through gates of options

there is no end to walking possibilities..
and i experienced every single one of those today
not only that
but i was treated to a one dollar (took like ten minutes on deciding how to save the most money) whopper jr. at the end of it

that wasn't even the best part
I got to walk with two friends who I care for deeply
and we walked together
there is something in walking with another person that makes you appreciate them all the more.
that's why it's called a WALK to remember
romantic walks on the beach
our walk with Christ
it all ties in

i miss my walks with you guys at ocee
we'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time
even when we didn't talk and just moved simultaneously, matching each other's pace, and constantly swaying from one side of the path to the other,
lightly bumping shoulders
it was bonding

I need to walk more
laugh more
DANCE MORE (love you tinny, tammy, trish, ting ...hehe...four T's)

When I walk with someone---with a friend, parent, with Christ
our time together is unforgettable.

its here!

I dont really feel a difference between the day school ends and summer
its a seamless line

basically---i've already submitted to summer a LONG time ago

The Apple

I struggle with so many temptations around me

i know that you do too

They're always there
commonly disguised and waiting
fooling you into believing that one second won't be much harm

That's why we have people---to keep our inner conscience awake
making us realize that what we craved so much
isn't really that important at all

a kid again

i'm a spunky monkey
with a spunky ducky
who had a spunky cat
who went and ate a rat
and sang the songs of time
the windows swing and chime
the trashbins sway with ease
like bamboo in the breeze
horses prance and dance
i saw my ragged pants
im a poet in disguise
words will end in my demise

----after a long day
long week
typing whatever you want to without analyzing rhetorical strategies
thinking of examples
wondering how in the world a termite emits methane

writing whatever without a care in the world
is SUCH a relief :]

formspring

i caved :]

http://www.formspring.me/gamegirl822

Reality Intercepts

yeah--i recently woke up from that dream of a perfect summer

it hasn't even begun and i already feel more overwhelmed than i do with schoolwork

Dreaming

i had a really weird dream last night---
too embarrassing to tell

two nights ago i slept walk for the first time in a year
i know FOR A FACT that i had gone to sleep in my own bed
and yet at five am i found myself crunched up sideways in a oneman armchair
in a completely random room

This feels weird for me

This type of stuff used to happen a lot when I was little
speaking in my sleep
falling down stairs
having both good and bad dreams

once---when i was sleeping over at my grandmothers
i was having a nightmare that my family was leaving me in a scary museum
i apparently spoke in my sleep and shouted while crying
I WANT TO GO HOME!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!

thus--my grandmother felt so bad (cuz she thought i was speaking for real)
that SHE BROUGHT ME BACK HOME
LOOL and i woke up saying---umm...i thought that i was at nai nai's house O.O

Then there are those dreams where you can fly, not like a bug with wings
but peter pan style--yet not as suave
where you can't exactly go the furthest you'd like to, but a good height nonetheless
where sometimes you need a running start
where you need to flap your hands
and once you reach the apex..you feel yourself coming back down to reality.

You can't control them

hehe--sometimes when you wake up from a dream
and if you go back to sleep quick enough
it will pick right back up where you started--as if you had taken a bathroom break or sumthin sumthing

i think that dreams reveal our inner selves so much
the longing, the fears, and the unconscious desires that we never knew we had

you take a step back and ask---is that REALLY what i dreamed?
WAAAAAAATTTT? i had never thought that thought in my conscious life!

and then---you begin to see the dream as truth..

I Will Survive

YESSS!!!

i am finally able to blog again
you have no idea how many times i came to this new post page
all ready with thoughts of the day

when the reality of AP week came
with basically a practice exam at seven am today
AP Calc BC 7:45 Wed
Lang Paper due today--oh stink--turn it in.com...brb

BACK
anyyyways
summer is coming and i love it
and, i have a ton of stuff to say

but most of all i just want to thank God for letting me survive these past two weeks
and if he can just get me past next week intact---wait if?
of course he can!!!! :)

You've Got....Love?

Too many people are saying "I hate my life" around this time of year
its not a matter of hating your current situation or not
because frankly, the only reason why someone would hate a part of life is if it doesn't meet up to life's usual standards

It's the fact that it's okay to not hate

We are a generation of "the grass is greener on the other side"
there's always someone out there that has it better
sure

there's always a chance that life won't go the way that you want it to
yes

there's a chance that someone will love you even if you aren't aware of it
always

I guess that's one of the many things that keeps the mystery of love from us..
knowing that it might turn up in unexpected or even familiar places
you just have to glance back behind once in a while

and you'll be able to see that pile of love following you faithfully

No More Tuesdays...

I feel as if one of those phases in your life has come to an end

mainly because:
- it made me feel like a kid again
- i actually felt useful, even adored
- i could see you every week
- i got the weekly update on the "save the music program"
- I could make funny faces and get genuine funny faces back at me

It won't be the same without them
On Tuesdays, I will be asking myself---shouldn't I be going home at this time?
It began to be where I would look forward to them too, out of all the days of my week

I hope the legacy will persist

I've Got a Feeling..

I have a feeling that I am going to discover so much at Costa Rica

FCBOE board meeting

I'm Tired of Fighting

CALL OF DUTY

http://www.petitiononline.com/sokm2010/petition.html

please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program

********************************************
FULTON COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION MEETING~~~~~~~

WE NEED AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FOR THE PROTEST!
YOU"LL BE ON TELEVISION IN THE NEWS AND WHATNOT TOO! :]
this is your chance to make a difference

like all those colleges say: we dont really care as much of your AP scores than of the fact that you impacted your community in some way

this is your chance

****************************************************
1) sign the online petition
please sign this to help save the fulton county elementary music program

get your parents and everyone you know to sign--random people at your school
cuz all you need to sign is a name and an email
if you have multiple accounts--go for it
******************************************************

2) ATTEND THE BOARD MEETING!!!!!!!
MOST IMPORTANT!!

This Thursday April 22nd,
Dunwoody Springs Elementary 6:30 PM

be there..or be unmusical

******************************************************
3)we need 10,000 signatures on the petition
http://www.petitiononline.com/sokm2010/petition.html

by this thursday--3000 more...which averages about more than 750 a day

PLEASE HELP!

Yeah..thats right

No more Complacency

okays---so i haven't been focusing much at all on God to be perfectly honest
in other words--i fell into the deepest trap:

complacency & indifference

I read his word for the first time in a while today
and I came to a chapter I had bookmarked earlier in the year

Amos 6: 1-7

Woe to you who are complacent in Zion,
and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria,
you notable men of the foremost nation,
to whom the people of Israel come!

3 You put off the evil day
and bring near a reign of terror.

4 You lie on beds inlaid with ivory
and lounge on your couches.
You dine on choice lambs
and fattened calves.

5 You strum away on your harps like David
and improvise on musical instruments.

6 You drink wine by the bowlful
and use the finest lotions,
but you do not grieve over the ruin of Joseph.

7 Therefore you will be among the first to go into exile;
your feasting and lounging will end.

i feast, lounge, play, strum, moisturize....not that these things aren't bad
it's because the people in this time period garnered this wealth by cheating the poor

but---i am most definitely one of these overprivileged.
it's amazing how much you realize after only reading seven of God's words
i WAS going to put on here that i'm going to die before this weekend because i have three tests tomm and then a bc final on sat

but then i thought----

there are so many dying in this world
and here i am in an airconditioned, clothed, american dream lifestyle
and what am I doing to change any of that?

I want to make a difference in someone's life right now---
no more complacency
please

Presenting..the MacDonalds

Presenting..the macdonalds--
faith
patrick
&jeremy

If My Heart was a House

If My Heart was a House

home home home home
its never been a house
its been my childhood
my toddler years

my grandfather planted pine trees that were knee high twenty years ago
and now they are thirty feet tall

out of the tulips my parents planted twenty years ago
all have faded away
except for one yellow bloom that surprises us every year
one blink of yellow enveloped in pink azaleas

my bed
so warm

there are lead markings on the doorsills ranging from shuen at age 8: 3'3" to shuen at age 16: 5'3" with an occasional playmate's height thrown in
that nick in the kitchen wall made by our rabbits
the same chair we were rocked to sleep in as babies now in a different corner

every nook and cranny i know the story of
ask me and the stories will evolve every way because there is no end to these tales
hidden until reminded by those markings in the wall

i think that despite all of our shenanigans and cries to be set free
we will always want to return to the nest
yeah, its great that we fly everywhere
explore the world
and want that irrepressible freedom

but to be able to walk into a familiar place is heaven

i've never missed home this much before
home---such a beautiful word

random thoughts of a college roadtripper

Day 1-

drive drive drive...yay!! DC
"shuen, will you sit up and look at the airforce memorial?"
"Baba, you say that everytime we come up..it hasn't changed since thanksgiving"
"well see it again!" x]

reach aunt amy's house..hug cousin stephen..whew we're in for the night

DAY 2

wake up..finish roses for faith&them
eat breakfast with fam plus cassey..another cousin
drive drive drive
...moving at literally 5 miles per hour in connecticut, new jersey, and new york

WHAT??!!!! $9.50 FOR TOLL????!! :OOOOOO
hehe.got a pic of the $8 one too x]

and...the gps is telling us we will arrive in boston at 1 AM...THEREFORE

DAY 3

leave hotel in connecticut
and..visit YALEEEEEE YAYYY
haha my best pick so far...
still hoping god will call me to wherever he wants for me to go

after info and campus tour..eat lunch :9
and REACH BOSTON!!! :DDDD
hehe and eat chinese food
where my oh so lovely macdonald gang is..
spend the whole night talking and being ourselves

DAY 4

Brown---very nice very nice indeed
#3 choice as of now...
eat lunch
dang..all these ivy leagues have HUMONGO buffets *stuffed*

eat dinner @ uno's pizzeria
best..pizza..EVER no joke
me and faith stand outside the bathroom hiding the fact that we're charging the camara battery in the outlet we're hiding hehe x]

faith, patrick, jeremy, me all sleep upstairs in their study

DAY 5
Boston University & Harvard
wow..
did NOT expect to like harvard that much..its #2 as of now
...is god calling me to this school?
i heard so much mention of his name..at the train station, singing amazing grace on the street..

i bought lunch for a homeless person today
but...it seemed like he was lying to me about stuff..

lol..SUCH RANDOM THOUGHTS haha
and...wearing half a facial mask at the moment
BECAUSE we only had one...so we cut it in half hehe
..we look scary..i'll post pics later :]

and...thats my college road trip part 1
ADIOS

Sunflowers

yes ...
Yes....
YES.....
YESSS!!!!!!!!

FINALLY!! I will see my best friend.

Faith MacDonald

man..i'm beyond excited..its not even a describable feeling
So much so that I know I won't feel the effects until I see her in the flesh.
or patrick. or jeremy.

I've heard that Jeremy MacDonald, the younger brother, who is about two grades younger than Wendy is....taller than me
a fact I shall not acknowledge until there is actual physical comparison

why am I even rambling on about height?

I WILL GET TO SEE FAITH!!
all those years spent riding bikes, climbing trees, eating ice cream & dumplings
singing songs, having fights, collecting pokemon

we are complete opposites who are a perfect match

thanks faith..for being the roots and seed of the flower of a person i am now..and most importantly..for giving me God♥
thanks christina...for coaxing that seed out of its shell
thanks bria...for giving that flower water and kept it from wilting
thanks jessie...for being the sunlight to this flower, dont know what id do without you
thanks audry...for giving this flower a cast so it could heal its broken stem
thanks jaime...for making this flower remember God
thanks christine...for taking this flower under your wing and protecting it
thanks victoria...for watering this flower with your love and friendship
thanks monique...for keeping away those weeds and making the pathway straight
thanks penn...for talking to the flower and giving it oxygen♥
thanks sandra...for being that constant source of comfort- fertilizer :]

thanks jesse...for making me respect you
thanks geoffrey...for your refreshing playfulness
thanks patrick...for fighting with me all the time..i love it
thanks alex...for being yourself, i wouldn't have you any other way
thanks alex...for wishing with me on a star that is burned into my memory forever
thanks jun....for neverfailingly making me happy to see you each time we meet
thanks ivan...for always making me smile
thanks ben....for being my big bro
thanks daniel...for caring
thanks hudson....for stealing my stuff, but always giving it back
thanks darren...for always im'ing me first and so much more that im not gonna list it :]

so yes..this post is dedicated to Faith MacDonald truly
because all those people i gave thanks to...
are really giving thanks to the person Faith has made me
and i'll never forget that....

Sun is Shining

okay..enough sad posts
because i really do feel happy
and im actually happy that ive been feeling sad,
because i'm proving to myself that i'm actually human!!!

There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I dont want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...

what the heck....LOLOLOLOLOL
WENDY & MY DAD JUST BROKE THE STAIR BANISTER

and the sun is shining
i actually have time to think
i can go to the park

life is beautiful in the ways that you never fully expect it to be

FAIL dun dun dun

man..i know that i keep saying that God is calling me to Costa Rica, not to GHP
but please spare me these few minutes of hurt

i'm so happy for all my ghp folks
honestly and truly
that's one of the reasons why my own failure hasn't hit me as hard as it can

i'm just sad that I fail
the two things i wanted out of this year: all-state and GHP
the two things that I said last year that i would work my butt off to achieve
all...gone

no more chances

it actually does hurt some...idunno why, but then who ever knows?
disappointment? too much fried stuff?
the knowledge that all you're going to get are sympathetic stares, "oh its okay, you'll get something else" and
"hey, i'm sorry"

i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me....ever

i only want to be able to feel sorry for myself and then move on from it

Dear John

Done with Dear John
completely heartbreaking
not in the happy way
i sometimes wonder if i'll end up that way

Reading Rainbow

So..as of the moment
I am reading two books

Gone with the Wind
and
Dear John

the latter which i literally got today in second period and am already through more than half of it
its so beautiful
the girls of Nicholas Sparks always makes you want to be that person, to better yourself, to possess an inherent demeanor that they have
a perfect mix of understanding, unique, happy, playful, and sincerity
Ever since I was little, I feel that every girl character I read about becomes a part of me
that I should care about what they care about
that I want to be as carefree and special to someone
this has happened with Heidi, Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), Sara Crewe (A Little Princess), Jo March (Little Women), Cimorene (Enchanted Forest Chronicles), Betty (Archie..hehe), Elizabeth AND Jessica Wakefield(Sweet Valley High)

I feel Scarlett O'Hara's frankness, pride, vanity, and her meanness spread through me...
and i've definitely got more, "you're getting meaner"
I feel Savannah's gentle appreciation of simplicity, her naivety, and determination to work for greater good permeate through my veins, my childhood veins.
and I feel that I am both girls

is that even possible?

I love how much I can be influenced by what I read, that's one of the reasons I love finding a Bible passage that just speaks to me..
But at the same time it's a little scary
What if I read something bad for me?
how will that affect my character?
Or maybe at the moment, i'm just feeling the reader side of rebecca press more strongly

i can never tell exactly what parts of me are most dominant

I'm not going to stop reading--NO WAY JOSE
I'm that harry potter nerd who read each book in the series like twenty times

maybe just learning what's important in each girl's life has helped me be the girl I am today
and hopefully that girl will grow

Rubik's cube

What comes with a Rubik's cube?

.....wow....was NOT expecting that :]

No Use

No Use...

Fulton County Board of Education has decided to cut all elementary band and orchestra programs..

Into the Mic

Into the Mic



Oh my goodness
I can't believe we actually spoke at a Fulton County Board of Education Meeting
Binita was phenomenol-- standing ovation
I had to cut out thirty seconds of my two minute speech, but thats okay
most importantly
I hope that it reached the hearts of the board members and any music teachers there

Vote comes tonight..i can and can't wait

I was so scared throughout this week you know?
It was like, for the first time in my life
(i know reallyyy dramatic, but its true)
i figured out that you can't always just say
"leave it up to the grownups"
because its such a cliche but COMPLETELY true saying----anyone can make a difference.

Pray & Cross your fingers please!!!

3.14159.....

I took a quiz and my geeky quote of the day is---

Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.

I'm a Fishy ^3^

I'm a Fishy ^3^

Seriously...
i'm so confused
I love Georgia with all my heart
I would love to go to college here
I want to live here when I grow up and have all my elementary school friends around me...be able to say to my kids

"Look! I went to school there! and look! my fifth grade teacher is still carrying that same old purse!"

to have that same excitement when more than two flurries of snow comes down
all these pine trees- poignant and fresh
summer warmth that envelops the body like a blanket
blue skies, the whole alpharetta bit



On the other hand..
I don't want to be in a bubble
a goldfish in a bowl
like that chinese proverb goes
"jin di zhi wa"-- (frog in a well)
hehe about one of the only things i remember from my nine years in chinese school x]

but I want to know if there is more
and be able to reach to more people
leave these incessant arms of security for once

because with this music program craziness coming up
for the first time in my life
i can't just "leave it up to the grownups"
and that scares me..
i need to be able to grow independently and stand on my own

no problem right?
just go and see the world then come home for Georgia

see...its not so simple
Everyplace you live..like with boyfriends
you give a little part of your heart to it
and since i've lived in Georgia my whole life
all of my heart is given to it
anyone who knows me knows that I take pride in being from the south
its without a doubt "home"

But if I go somewhere out of state for college...and maybe to live or work in the future
won't that then become my "new home"
won't that mean that my heart will be split into two pieces and buried in two separate locations?

I feel that if this happens, then I won't ever be completely satisfied in one place
Part of me will always be longing for that other "home"

soo...dilemma, inner conflict, whatever you want to call it

Be a fishy or be a nomad

I know that I have to stop being a fishy
and it will be impossible from becoming a nomad in this process

but i'm just going to wait it out
(man..i'm already waiting out so many other things-----)
and we shall see DUNDUNDUN.....

Floundering...

Why am I so dumb?

Only I would proceed to answer twenty-five questions that I have no clue about
only to find out that instead of taking of .25 for each wrong one like they normally do
the test does (# correct - # wrong).
yay...negative scores

Only I would proceed to make a rose for someone cuz they lost their previous one
only for them to give it away to someone else literally the next second

Only I would dream of having those skinny model legs
only to go and eat one hundred pounds of homemade food (mostly veggies though x])

Only I would get an 800 on my PSAT math
only to completely fail my school and be the disgrace of the chattahoochee math team

Only I would study like a maniac get 90% of my SAT vocab right the first time
only to have to study even harder the second time to show "progression"

Only I would be complaining on a blog
unlike a real person who would actually be conversing with someone else and not mouthing words to themselves in front of the computer

what can I say?

I'm just uniquely dumb~

For You (Version Two)

it doesn't matter
whether who's prettier, nicer, better, more talented, can draw better, can do a handstand
who can get the prom date, or ANY date
who's ranking is better, more likely to get into all-state GHP college and all that junk

actually...it does
the world sees it that way
you never see the computer nerd on TeenVogue
and no one cares if you made semi-finals..only if you actually went all the way
and if you're the girl next door
of course your best friend will be the one to get the guy
that's how it works in the world

And I know we care about it
all those little details that ABSOLUTELY matter
because we wouldn't be US without it
...
and it kills us

this evergoing comparison
never ceasing
constantly teasing
and pulling at heartstrings
that twang that all too familiar tune
"why aren't I, ME, good enough?
was I that easy to forget?"

and even though they smile graciously and cutely
springing out an "of course not"
you always know its true

but thats the thing about the world
thats how it thinks
but no..WE can think about more
because the nerdy girl will get the prom date
ask anyone who's seen the you belong to me music video

and so what if she can do it better?
there are so many other things that you soar high in

and i think you are gorgeous
i always have
since i've first seen you
more than anyone in that room or at your table

because we dont care about what the world thinks remember?
and its hard to follow, but we have to hold true to that
and to live with that constant assessment and judging
its so hard
i know
it makes you this cheerful shell
empty except for those same twanging heartstrings

but we're here for each other
through thick and thin
and do you know what the great thing is?
we both know that we are uniquely amazing

F is not for Friends

today..i got sleep
for the first time in a REALLY reeaallly long time
and it felt good.

to be able to sleep during the day is such a luxury.

to be able to talk with my family around the table instead of the tv is a blessing

to be able to bake, inhaling those blissful aromas is heaven..lol..

i can't believe that we fell into the same rut that so many families fall into,
grabbing a bowl and plopping oneself in front of the computer or tv
family means so much more than that

"OWWW!" wendy is sitting there grinning wickedly
with that culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)
(three minutes later)

"OWWWWWW!!!" rebecca is standing there grinning wickedly
with that same culprit of a toothpick in her hand, saying
"oops, I missed the cantaloupe" (hehehe)

difference?
the second time occurs six feet away from where the cantaloupe bowl is

wendy snatches up toothpick
rebecca runs and cowers in laundry room

(exit scene)

that is what family is supposed to be like
not poking one another with toothpicks of course x]
but being a unit of love
singular and integrated
meshing together to form this one gooey batch of debates, teasing, and hugs
iced off with unconditional love

if my dad is standing in my doorway and looking at me with a stern austere face
i know that it's not because i did something wrong
its not because i got an F
its not because my room is messy (actually..nvm this reason is quite possible)
its because i forgot to give him a kiss when he came home

to sit on my parents' laps, to give them bear hugs and kisses
to waltz with my mom in the kitchen
its so natural
because that's how family is to me

so this is just a post for them
because before i had friends
before i started edging out of the nest
they were always there

i love my family♥

Lift Me Up

Isn't it interesting? When we try to please the world, we're put down and start feeling negative emotions. But when we try to please the Lord, even when it seems like it's only making things worse, in the long run, it lifts us up.

By Edward Sun

I was reading Ed's blog and.....when i came across this little phrase right here
i couldn't help but think
1) that is so true
2) i ALWAYS try to please the world
3) have i always tried to please the world before pleasing god first?
4) i want that feeling of contentment that feeling of being "lifted up in God"

Isn't it ironic that we say we do not want to please the world
using that all too familiar statement of "do not conform but be transformed"
and yet..grades, facebook, college prep: the norm of teenager society
have become the norm of our own lives
is that not pleasing the world?

I want to try something
when i pray..i always so Lord, God, Lord and the pattern continues on
but more than anything God is a father
loving til the end...sometimes i forget that
not that he loves me, but that he is my father
that the way i feel towards my own father should be only a slight inkling of my love for God
and right now..that's not how it is

I may love my father more than my Father at this moment
and that's not how it's supposed to be at all..though there should be love for both

but yeah..
our Father in heaven hallowed be your name.
Let me remember that.

Forgetten Links

I love music
that i can say that with certainty

Its alluring SINUOUS waves draw me closer
and it has a tantalizing taste
regardless of the fact that it is heard

"You know what music is? God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe. A harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars."
-August Rush

And i'm so happy when I listen to it
this asyo winter concert...sibelius almost moved me to tears
those waves keep pulling me in
I will love music for the rest of my life

But dancing will forever be my first love.

Skating..the ice version

PATRICK CHAN

i'm usually not the type to have favorite movie, pop, or sports stars, but this guy here is one of the first people that i seriously love.
I first saw him in the olympics and honestly..he didn't do that well
what really captured me was that he used this beautiful pastiche of phantom of the opera melodies which if you know me...i absolutely love.

and he didn't land his jumps well
but the way he moved
oh my goodnes....
the artistic expression was AMAZING

this coming from the girl who never obsessed over big bang, super junior m, brad pitt and all that good stuff.

soo..then i was pretty sure he could do better
in a huge international competition before, he had even beat out the gold medalist of the olympics
AND HES ONLY NINETEEN :O
so i watched a couple of his vids and he was pretty..amazing
and his movements...absolutely gorgeous
why can't i be as beautiful on ice?

to ice skate like that...uninhibited, flying over blue and white crisps of glistening ice
throwing yourself into an aerial vortex and then springing out of it on one leg.
even picking yourself back up when you're down.

to ice skate is to fly without restrictions, a bird heading home

Joyful, not Happy

blessed am i
i am neither poor in spirit
i am neither mourning
i am neither weak
i am neither that strong in thirsting for righteousness...in that i am weak
i am neither merciful
i am neither persecuted
i am neither pure in heart nor a peacemaker

am I am blessed beyond all imagination
i've left and returned to god's side for so many times
and i just want to stop this coming and going
and just be happy with staying and living.

you guys..please pray for my relationship with god
because i really need to get back on track with that
and im glad because our accountability group is really helping with that

so like i've said before
i'm happy...it's pretty easy

i want to be joyful

Eavesdropping

Sometimes I feel like I learn more from listening to my parents talk in the kitchen than from any textbook.

Topics From Tonight
- other parent's divorces
- the money you make from owning a Popeye's
- what an ironman competition is
- a wealthy man walks into a hotel and lays $100 on the counter
says, "I want to check into a room, but I want to check them out first"
About this time, everyone is in debt, so the hotel manager runs the 100 down to the pig farmer who he owed for meat.
the pig farmer ran it to the grocer he owed
the grocer ran it to the local prostitute he owed
the prostitute ran it back to the hotel manager cuz she'd been staying in the hotel for free.
The wealthy man comes back down and says, "i don't like the rooms" and takes back the 100.
Everyone's debt had been payed and no one gained any money!
...just like the American economy.

Let It Snow

things to be happy about
haha copied from penn

okay..i kind of don't like it when people describe me as happy
not that being described as happy is a bad thing
it just seems so superficial compared to JOY
in general i like it
but...it kind of puts you in a perpetually static state of emotion
and...
i'm definitely not a static state of emotion; au contraire

but okay
that was a random tangent..not really spurred by anything except the appearance of the word happy in my very nonconclusive weirdo brain

okay ANYWAYS

things to be JOYFUL about:
1- this beautiful fairytale snow day...the most gorgeous I have ever seen
2- friends (JESSIE) who you can just be absolutely your liberal creative self with
3- four day weekends
4- knowing that everything eventually turns out right :]

okay..so this winter wonderland was pretty awesome

jessie came over for making a trophy for the canceled coffee house/talent show
and it basically turned into this amazing time together
both just playing, being creative, snowball fights, and just being able to talk
dont you love those people who there is never something NOT to talk about?
those people you know will forever make an impact on your life.
each as individual as a snowflake.

weirdddd

wow...that was surprising
i thought it wouldn't hurt and i'd be okay with it
haha

i guess i lied.

and im still haha-ing

Deaf, not Blind

I remember asking Jesse a long time ago

"would you rather be blind or deaf?"

i was so surprised by his answer, though I shouldn't have been.
"Of course BLIND" he said
of course he would say that, because he is a musician
how can a musician play without his hearing?

but aren't I a musician?
and I said that I would rather be

deaf.

I know I know..all those hardcore musicians who are reading this might go like---psh...then you don't really love music
and I do love music...truly.

I just love the world more.

How can one live without all this color?
to not know be able to recognize your mother's face or see her smile?
To see a table of a feast gorgeously sprawled out over a simple table
to not see the ocean--
the trees
to look at the sky
can you HEAR the sky? blooming overhead, bright and blue?

To have your heart beat when you see that person's face..
To be able to know each color by heart
marigold, cardinal red, sapphire, aqua, honeydew, mint, cream, caramel,
good enough to eat

sepia, olive, lavender, peacock green, peach, magenta, silver, mahogany, violet, wolf gray, pine, burnt orange...
each colored pencil glowing like individual jewels...each priceless..
color my world....
these colors, to see them, is such a blessing
yes music is a way to color the world too..but seeing brings me greater joy than hearing.

After all...you don't need ears to hear God's voice...

fields, flowers, handwritten notes, looming mountains---all sound of music worthy
hehe ironic title x]

my former face on videotapes, old pictures, the happy sight of couples on valentine's day, drawing....without sight none of these could be possible.
even the sight of pain, even though it makes your heart hurt...
it's worth it.
how much the blind miss in life...
Even worse...to know sight then lose your grasp on it...that would be almost unbearable.

I remember that when I heard Jesse's answer that day
i felt almost ashamed that I wanted sight instead of hearing.
I offered an alternative.."wasn't beethoven deaf when he composed?"
"nono..its not the same even still..he would've wrote even BETTER ones if he could hear."

okay...definitely not the comfort I was looking for

For some reason..i was thinking back to that day
and even though I've grown and come to love music more and more.
My love of sight has grown even greater
having been able to recognize each innocent childish face at whirlwind..
the instantaneous joy and fear of walking onto a stage and seeing the multitudes of the audience.
the purples pinks and oranges wraveled with the normal sweet blue of a georgia sunset

If I chose blindness over deafness
then it wouldn't have mattered what I said
because that answer would have meant that I would have already been deprived of the beauty of the world.

What is gone...

Four things you can't recover:

The stone........after the throw. The word.........after it's said..

The occasion........after it's missed. The time.........after it's gone.

Learning to Love

How can I learn to love unconditionally?
Without a single thought for myself..
a pure love

i guess I can only try and find out.

My Blogger Girls

I'm sitting here on a rainy supposedly supposed to be snowy saturday morning
after eating eggs benedict cooked by my sister
harangued by parents about SAT II, reading more current events
and reading friend's blogs.

And as I'm reading, I notice a common theme.

Everyone is analyzing themselves.

And this gets me to thinking, I don't think that i've ever analyzed myself on my blog before.
Or maybe I have and I just haven't noticed it.
LIke I see Penn saying:

I can't empathize because I'm so stubborn and set in my ways. It's not that I think that everybody should be like me, but I hardly see anything from anybody else's point of view. Not because I don't want to, because I just can't. Call me traditional or old-fashioned, but that's how it is, how I am.
I'm incredibly selfish, and it really amazes me how you are so selfless. I want to tell you so much - but there's just too much stuff that doesn't let me. I'm too protective of you, I'm too scared, I'm too proud. See? It's all selfishness.


Christina

I don’t know if it’s that I just haven’t been listening or if it’s that I just haven’t been trying hard enough. But for a long while now I’ve been holding up this “guard” and nothing has been able to break it down.


Jessie:
The problem with me is that I try to too often to assimilate.


Jaime:

I'm extremely selfish beyond repair. I am giving and helpful, but very very selfish at the same time. Selfish on most things, giving in others. A lot more selfish than my giving though.


Bria:

I sort of feel like I'm lost in my own little world. That I put up this barrier, this disguise, so that people won't see how I'm truly feeling. And other times, I feel like I'm just a middleman. Someone who has friends and people to talk with, but doesn't really have a place. Like a wanderer without a home.


And don't get me wrong...ive felt every single one of these things before in my life
some more strongly,
some a prickling in the back of my subconscious, having not emerged yet
Maybe it's all being part of a teenage girl?
hormones? lol
And maybe letting all of this self-evaluation and criticalness is a form of finding an outlet
maybe hoping in that through writing,
you can cut out a window of your heart
so that those curious enough can look in and see the complexity inside.

Because, you know?
we all put up that barrier
and what we crave the most is for someone to break that barrier down, embrace you and say,
"dont worry..im never going to let you go."
We want for those people to be the first person you want to talk to after you go through trauma, joy, or just cuz.
For someone to accept us regardless of any mistakes we have

THAT is why we write on blogs spilling out gut feelings
because we want someone to relate and understand
why else do we get so excited when someone comments on a post?


but you know what?
despite the fact that we are all continually searching for that earthly being to be our soulmate friend.
we also continually forget to look heavenward

and see the friend who takes us as we are.



soo my girlies....
i think that for the rest of our lives we will have friends...good ones great ones
but they will come, go, or stay
and those who stay aren't always the friendship ideal that we crave for always
because there WILL be times when our own tempting selfishness overcomes the needs of our friends....

but because we are bonded through Christ, who sees me as i am, HE can fill the void that we sometimes forget to fill in our friends' hearts. And because of that...be JOYFUL...dont look down on yourself..because we know that one day we WILL be perfect through Him.